DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while
the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely
made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that
my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn
what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try
this again tomorrow**.but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -
and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate
with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell,
so he is safe. For now..........
8 comments:
Dogs have owners; cats have staff.
Whoever wrote that has obviously owned both - or I should I say 'been owned' by both.
Ticblog: I've heard that. Not in this house.
Lin: Ain't that the truth!
You realize, of course, that dogs have been known to kill and eat mooses? But that no house cat has ever sunk that low?
Cat: The only reason cats don't do attack and eat Mooses is because they have slaves(owners) who pamper them terribly.
Cats have an innate ability to pick people with little resistance to their stare so that they can dominate these poor unsuspecting souls and suck the life out of them. They will then cough them up and discard them like a regurgitated fur-ball. ROFL
Time is on my side,
I have nine lives.
YesBut: I believe it. You and Catmoves. I surrounded! HELP!!!!
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