Thursday, July 17, 2008

Canadians eh !!!


A Little Canadian Humor...

Forget Rednecks,

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from

September through May,

You may live in Canada .


If someone in a Home Depot store

Offers you assistance and they don't work there,

You may live in Canada .



If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You may live in Canada .


If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation

With someone who dialed a wrong number,

You may live in Canada .


If 'Vacation' means going anywhere

South of Detroit for the weekend,

You may live in Canada .


If you measure distance in hours,

You may live in Canada .



If you know several people

Who have hit a deer more than once,

You may live in Canada .



If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'

In the same day and back again,

 You may live in Canada .


If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow

During a raging blizzard without flinching,

You may live in Canada .



If you install security lights on your house and garage,

 But leave both unlocked,

You may live in Canada .


If you carry jumpers in your car

And your wife knows how to use them,

You may live in Canada .


                   If you design your kid's Halloween costume

To fit over a snowsuit,

You may live in Canada .


                        If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --

You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,

You may live in Canada .


                                If driving is better in the winter

Because the potholes are filled with snow,

You may live in Canada .


If you know all 4 seasons:

Almost winter, winter, still winter,

And road construction,

You may live in Canada .


If you have more miles

On your snow blower than your car,

You may live in Canada .


If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly',

You may live in Canada .



If you actually understand these jokes,

And forward them to all

Your Canadian friends & others,

You definitely live in Canada .



Sunday, July 13, 2008

Why Parents Drink- PRICELESS

 Why Parents Drink

 The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
" Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

" Yes ,"
whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?"

The child whispered,
" No ."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
" Yes ."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered,
" No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ,"
whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy ",
whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ,"
came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter "
answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive Again, whispering, the child answered,
" The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
"me ."

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Sunday, July 6, 2008

Only an 8th grade education



Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? 

This is the eighth grade final exam from 1895 in 
Salina ,  Kansas ,  USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the  Smokey  Valley  Genealogical Society and Library in  Salina ,  KS , and reprinted by the  Salina  Journal. 

8th Grade Final Exam: 
Salina,  KS, 1895 

Grammar (Time, one hour) 

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters. 
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications. 
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph 
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie', 'play', and 'run.' 
5. Define case; illustrate each case. 
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation. 
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar. 

Arithmetic (Time, 65 minutes) 

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic. 
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold? 
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare? 
4.  Di strict No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals? 
5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton. 
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent. 
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter? 
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent. 
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods? 
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt 

U.S.  History (Time, 45 minutes) 

1. Give the epochs into which 
U.S.  History is divided 
2. Give an account of the discovery of 
America  by  Columbus  . 
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the 
United States  . 
5. Tell what you can of the history of 
Kansas  . 
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion. 
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe? 
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865. 

Orthography (Time, one hour) (Do we even know what this is???) 

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication. 
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified? 
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, sub vocal, diphthong, cognate letters, and lingual.
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?) 
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each. 
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi-, dis-, mis-, pre-, semi-, post-, non-, inter-, mono-, and sup-. 
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, r ise, blood, fare, last. 
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays. 
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication. 

Geography (Time, one hour) 

1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend? 
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in 
Kansas  ? 
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean? 
4. Describe the mountains of 
North America 
5. Name and describe the following:  Monrovia ,  Odessa ,  Denver ,  Manitoba ,  Hecla ,  Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and  Orinoco . 
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the 
7. Name all the republics of: 
Europe  and give the capital of each. 8. Why is the  Atlantic  Coast  colder than the Pacific in the same latitude? 
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers. 
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth. 

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it? This also shows you how poor our education system has become... and, 


NO! I don't have all the answers. 

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