Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Fwd: Fw: How Old is Grandpa?

Subject: FW: How Old is Grandpa?

How old is Grandpa?

Stay with this -- the answer is at the end.? It will blow you away.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

• television

• penicillin
• polio shots
• frozen foods
• Xerox
• contact lenses
• Frisbees and
• the pill

There were no:

• credit cards
• laser beams or
• ball-point pen s
Man had not invented:
• pantyhose
• air conditioners
• dishwashers
• clothes dryers
• and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and< /font>
• man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . . and then lived together. ?

Every family ha d a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".

And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every m an with a

title, "Sir."

We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,

yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and others on

our radios.

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk ?

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one?

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

• "grass" was mowed,
• "coke" was a cold drink,
• "pot" was something your m other cooked in and
• "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby
• "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office
• "chip" meant a piece of wood,
• "hardware" was found in a hardware store .

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generationgap... and how old do you think I am?

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time

Are you ready ??????

This man would be onl y 59 years old

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


This post is dedicated to one of my fellow bloggers who asked me to tell more about my teaching experience.

Teaching seems to run in our family. My father was a teacher, my wife was a teacher and is now an aide, my daughter is a teacher. I was also a teacher for 9 years.

I started teaching in the Montreal area in 1972. I taught there until we moved to Alberta in 1975. When we arrived here, I got the shock of my life. In Quebec, you could get a teaching certificate after two years of university. This would allow you to teach elementary school. At night you could finish your four year degree and were then eligible to teach high school also. Both my wife and I had taken night course and were just 4 courses short of our degree when we moved to Alberta. We applied for teaching positions and were informed that in Alberta, you had to have a degree or the union wouldn't certify you. We were told we were not qualified to teach Alberta kids. Fair enough, each jurisdiction has their rules. However as we were leaving the office, we were told if a position came up in "special education" we could be hired. I couldn't believe it. I asked the gentleman if he realized what he had said. We were NOT qualified to teach kids who could learn, but we WERE qualified to teach kids who couldn't. He told me yes. So, I asked him if that made sense to him. And it did !!

We ended up teaching at a private school for kids with learning disabilities. There were 145 kids ranging in age from 5-18 years. The disabilities ranged from hearing defects to speech problems, kids with anoxia at birth, some with musculature problems, some with autism and some with multiple problems. I taught the Phys. Ed classes and taught all the kids in the school. It was difficult because the classes were based on academic ability. I had some kids that were 7 or 8 in the same class as someone who was 18. There might be somebody with reading problems and no physical problems in the same class as someone else who had muscle problems but was fairly high academically.

This was in 1975 -1980. There were no real Phys. Ed programs developed for these kids. We had to make them up as we went along.

I had one little girl who was eleven. She had anoxia at birth where the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and caused oxygen deprivation. She could not jump with both feet off the ground at the same time, could not walk down the stairs properly and spoke only in vowels. No consonants at all. And she liked to talk. After knowing her for a while, I got pretty good at filling in the proper letters so I knew what she was talking about. Jumping we worked on for two years and still did not get completely off the ground. We did get closer however. Coming down the stairs was a partial success. I spent every day on my hands and knees pulling her feet to the proper stair. Fifteen minutes a day for a year. She could finally do it but only if she thought about it and she had to hold the rail going down. It was certainly worth the time and effort.

We had another little boy who was probably being abused at home. He was extremely withdrawn and wouldn't communicate. He hated to be touched and getting him to do anything was a chore. Trust took time. The amazing thing about him was he could draw like a professional. He did pencil drawings of people's faces. And they were perfect. He had proportion, depth and shading. He even put in little details like eyelashes. He was six years old. At the end of two years, he would finally talk to me and actually let me pat him on the shoulder when he did something well.

I remember one boy we had who came to us when he was in grade 7 in a regular school. He was having trouble in his English class. He was doing very well in Math , Social Studies, and Science. When he was tested, we found out he could NOT read at a grade 1 level and yet here he was in grade 7 and supposedly doing well. How? If he couldn't read !!
After three years at our school he went back to regular school and did very well.

These are just some of the kids I taught. I'll write more another time.



How do you tell the difference between a Canadian Police Officer, Australian Police Officer, and an American Police Officer?

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Answer: (Immediate thought processes)

Is the knife a ceremonial kirpan?
Does he prefer to communicate in English or French?
Will this negatively impact my chances of promotion?
Is this just his way of telling me that he pays my wages, and wants my job?

Would this be an appropriate time to hug him and sing Koombaya?
Will the media do a profile of him and how he was loved by everyone including his dog?
Is the alleged "client" a member of the NDP or an Environmental Group?
Is he just a squeegee kid / pan handler trying to make a living on the mean streets?

Is he a member of a gang that is just "misunderstood" by society?
Is he a recent illegal immigrant to this country, and just doesn't know how to approach the police?

Is he recently released on parole and hasn't been properly integrated back into the community?

Is he a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome and just doesn't understand what he is doing?

Is he a member of the Muslim community or other visible minority group?
Warn and Charter him as he approaches.


Answer: BANG!




Sunday, October 21, 2007


Last Night, Mrs. Moose and I got to baby-sit Owen at his house. His mom and dad had an awards banquet to go to and we thought it would be better for Owen if he was home. If he got tired he could go to bed in his own crib. When we arrived he was delighted to see us both and his little face just lit up with joy. I'm sure ours did too.

Mark and Kristin have a small dog and they keep a kennel for him on the main level for when they go out. Owen seems to think that it is also for him. He loves to crawl inside, pull the door closed behind him and sit there grinning at you. He sits for maybe thirty seconds and then pushes the door open and out he comes. The funny thing is, he closes the door behind him when he comes out. I think he likes the kennel because it becomes his own little space.

He also likes to show off how to use all his toys. Some you turn to make go. Some you twist and some you push a button. He has every one of them down pat. He especially likes the ones that play music. He dances to whatever music is playing and wiggles his wee little bum and moves his hands. He is very good and keeps time to the different beats.

Most of his toys are in the basement and when we went down there, he just walked away and played by himself. He doesn't need to be held or played with ALL the time. Of course- I do. Last night he would bend over so that his head was on the floor and he could look at the world upside down through his legs.I would look back at him and he would reach for me with both hands through his legs. He was in a three-point stance with just his head and feet on the floor. He would laugh and laugh. After a seven or eight times of this, he tried to walk away. I think the blood must have gone to his head because he moved like he had had too much to drink.

He loves to be chased and he lets you know when it is time. He stands in the middle of the room and looks at you with this sly little expression on his face. Then he grins and runs. If you do not chase him, he stops to look at you and takes a couple of steps toward you. But the whole time he is ready to run. As soon as you move, he is GONE.

We had to discipline him last night. He likes to bang his hands on the television. Mark and Kristin have a little rocking chair that they sit him in for a time out when he does this. Sort of like the one Dennis the Menace had. He has to sit there for about thirty seconds. Last night , we had to put him in THE CHAIR. He was heartbroken. It wasn't just a fake cry but a real hurt cry that Grandpa had done that to him. He didn't bang the television again though.

He drinks from a cup very well and wants whatever you are drinking. We were having Ginger Ale and he would drink from my glass. He had a bottle of milk that he was supposed to have before bed. Last night he decided he wanted the milk in the glass. When I wouldn't pour it in for him , he took the bottle and put it in the glass. Then he would try to drink from the bottle in the glass. He got so mad when I wouldn't let him carry the glass around. If it had been a plastic glass,okay. But not a glass glass

His uncle, Jim and Craig came over to see him and watch the UFC . Owen loves them both and basically went from one to the other most of the night. The really great thing is, they both love him with all their heart. They actually compete, in a friendly way, to outdo each other in amusing him.

Last night ,it was about 0 Celsius here(32 Fahrenheit) so we went in the hot tub. He loves the hot tub and played with the controls for the jets. Of course, he wore a diaper and when he came out the diaper has absorbed so much water it must have weighed about ten pounds.

He is getting his bottom molars in right now so his little cheeks are red, red, red, A lot of kids get really cranky when they are teething. He is not too bad. You would never know that he was getting new teeth. He was so busy amusing us and having a good time , he didn't really want to go to bed. When Mrs. Moose took him upstairs, he ran around the main level while she waited for him on the stairs to go to the second floor. Usually he loves climbing those stairs. But last night, he went every where but those stairs. Mrs. Moose eventually had to carry him up. He was not a happy camper.

He is a real little clown and kept us amused for hours. I could do this babysitting thing full time with him.
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007


These are the pictures that should be with the blog earlier. I have no idea where they went.

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Click on pictures to enlarge.

I should have included this in the previous post. He loves to try to rake leaves. The problem he runs into is that the tines of the rake catch in the grass. He can't pull hard enough yet to get it to move. He usually ends up going around in a circle around the pile. Then his temper comes out. he gets frustrated that the rake s not co-operating.
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We have had Owen over at the house quite a bit during the last week and we love it. He is like a sponge absorbing water except he is absorbing and processing information.

When the two of us go for our walk each day, I talk to him about different things we see on our route. Usually we go to see the geese at the pond which is about a quarter of a mile from our house. He has learned to say "geese' and he knows where they are. As we get near the park area, we have to walk along a fence. About ten feet from the end of the fence, he leans forward and to the left to watch for the field and the pond. I always stop before walking into the area and he always points to the pond and says "GO"!. He knows the geese are there.

When we come home, about two houses away, he starts to call for his grandma so I think he knows where the house is also. As we come up the walk, he is waving in case Grandma is watching.

He is very secure being here. When Kristin dropped him off the other day, we stood outside as she drove away. Was he worried? Not a bit. He waved goodbye to her and then headed up the walk to the house calling the dogs. He even stopped part way and looked back at us as if to say, "well come on, lets go".

We tried to get him to help pick up pine cones and put them IN the pail but he was more interested in taking them OUT. He removed them as fast as we put them in. He thought it was great fun.

He also has a thing for phones. I think it is because when he pushes the buttons, they beep. We have to watch carefully to make sure he is not calling someone accidentally, especially long distance. We have tried to get hi to use the walkie-talkie instead of the phone but it just doesn't seem to be quite the same. As you can see he is certainly interested in them but is not sure exactly how they work yet. I figure about another month and he'll know. Am I prejudice or what?

He tries to use them the way you would a telephone. He holds it up to his ear and says"LO". If someone talks back on the phone he quickly hands it to myself or my wife. Because he can't say phone clearly yet, he uses hand signals. Whenever he wants the phone, he puts his hand to his ear and talks.

This has be a tough week for him also. Kristin wanted to get some family pictures of him bruise free. Yesterday morning as we were outside, he decided he could run up the walk. Yup, you guessed it. He tripped and went head first onto the cement and brought up a nice big bruise and bump on his forehead. Then in the evening he was in his Grandma's computer room and lost his balance. Clipped his chin on the coffee table on the way down. Typical little boy. I'm sure they won't be the last bumps he takes. I think the most amazing thing is he only started walking about two and half months ago and now he is starting to run. He loves to be chased and runs way laughing as hard as he can.

He also loves to play peek-a-boo. He uses the drapes in Mrs. Moose's computer room to hide behind. He will stand here very quietly until you call him or say "where is Owen?' He then peeks around the drapes with the biggest grin and laugh which is totally infectious.

He loves unconditionally and brings joy and laughter to our lives.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


ANSWER TO DETECTIVE STORY ! Dick got killed when he was beding over the tracks. While he was doing thiis a train came along and wiped him out.

ANSWER TO DETECTIVE STORY 2: The bear is white of course, The man lived at the North pole. It is the only place in the world where you can walk 5 miles due south, 5 miles due east and 5 miles due north and arrive back at your starting point. The bear was apolar bear.

ANSWER TO DETECTIVE STORY 3: none,Mose didn't, Noah did.

Monday, October 15, 2007


A thank you to Mushy for some info on this one. It is apparently not true. Still makes a hell of a good story though.

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and

you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they ever touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!


Today's story is an easy and short story. More of a question really

Question: How many of Each species of animal did Moses take on the ark?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Fwd: Fw: Five Rules






1. Get a woman who helps at home, cooks and cleans up.

2. Get a woman, who can make you smile and laugh.

3. Get a woman who you can trust and who does not lie to you.

4. Get a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It is very, very, very important that these four women do not know each other.




One day, a man decide to go for a walk. It was a beautiful warm day. Which way to go?

He decided to head due south and set off at a brisk pace of about 4 miles/ hour. Along the way he enjoyed the scenery that he was passing. When he had gone five miles he decides to stop and have lunch. He picked a nice sunny spot and sat down to eat. It took him about half an hour. At the end of this time he decide to strikeout once again.

This time he walked due east at a slightly slower pace of about 3 miles/hour. After one hour, he noticed a bear just of the trail. "What a magnificent creature."he thought. He stood watching the bear for 30 minutes. But a bear was not to be trifled with so he continued his walk in quiet, until he had gone five miles in total.

At this point he began to tire. He sat and rested in the warm sun for 20 minutes. When he was refreshed, he decided to head for home so he turned and walked due north for five miles until he came to his house. He entered into it and put on a cup of coffee. As he sat drinking his coffee, he thought about the walk he had jut finished and smiled.

Today's question is: What colour was the bear?

Yesterday's answer: Dick got hit by the train coming on the tracks.

Friday, October 12, 2007


After yesterday's blog, I decided to lighten things up a little bit for the next three blogs. Each will be a story, a detective story and you are to figure out the answer to the question at the end. while reading the story, all the clues you need will be supplied to you. If you wish to participate, leave your answer in the comments section. Do not cheat. If you want o cheat, read the comments section to see if somebody has it correct. The correct answer will be published the in the next blog.


One day, three friends who lived very sheltered lives decided to go hunting in woods. Because they were not very bright they had no idea what to hunt for. When they purchased their guns, the gun shop owner had to show them how to hold the guns and where the safety was. He also had to show hem how to put the bullets into the guns. He showed them the safest way to carry them and how to put the safety on and off. He also instructed them to never point a loaded gun at another person unless they meant to use it.

Off they went into the woods for their day of hunting. One of the first things they did was to take the safety off on all their guns. They did not want to be surprised by some wild animal.

Now these were three very different friends.

Bob was tall and thin as not the brightest bulb in the lamp, if you know what I mean. He completely forgot about the safety rules and swung his gun this way and that, pretending to shoot things. He even aimed it at his buddies. Especially at Dick , who was only a casual friend and whom Bob really didn't like.

Melvin was extremely short and heavy. He huffed and puffed his way along, wheezing heavily. Every five minutes he wanted to stop and rest but Dick made him keep moving. Melvin did not like this and thought it would be nice if Dick wasn't there to be so bossy. Melvin was also not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He too walked along with his gun loaded and safety off.

Dick, was in the best shape of them all. Since his heart attack he had worked hard at trying to get back into some sort of decent shape. He was cheating with Bob's wife and pushed Melvin so hard just to be mean. If he could go this far after a heart attack,so could Melvin. Dick had the I.Q. of a potato.

After several hours they came across some tracks in the woods. Bob got all excited and said:" look Rabbit tracks, Rabbit Tracks". He was bouncing all over the place and swinging his gun wildly. Melvin looked at the tracks and told Bob he was stupid. "Them's ain't rabbit tracks. Them's is deer tracks" Melvin stated. He and Bob began to argue. They even pointed their guns at each other. Dick looked at the tracks and said they were both wrong. He belittled them for being so stupid. He lost his temper with them both and told Bob about his affair with his wife. He also told Melvin what a fat out of shape slob he was. He shoved them both out of the way and said he would decide what kind of tracks they were. He bent over the tracks for a very close look. As he was about to say something he died very suddenly? From What?

The question for this story is: How did Dick die?

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Let me start off by saying this is not a piece about the American people in general but rather about those who either don't know what is happening or don't care. To those of you who I know through this medium , I apologize in advance. It is not about you. This is about how the some of the electorate in the U.S.A has let " BIG BROTHER" and George Orwell's "1984" come to fruition. Hopefully it will enlighten some people as to why a sizable portion of the world has a negative attitude towards the U.S.

For many years the United States was considered the bastion of freedom and democracy. It represented what was right and was the defender against the Russian communists. People around the world looked up to the Americans and their way of life.

With the fall of communism, who was there left to be defended against. It should have been and should be a good thing. And then came 9/11. One of the most atrocious and horrific acts ever to take place in human history. President Bush promised that Osama would be brought swiftly to justice and that Al Qaeda would be destroyed. Good! That is what should have happened. Afghanistan , which harboured these terrorists was invaded and the Taliban routed. But then Mr. Bush , knowingly acting on false information, Invaded Iraq. A great ploy to take out Saddam and gain control of Iraqi oil. For a while it worked. Then people found out the truth. There were no weapons of mass destruction. Many countries have vilified the U.S. for this and call for a troop pull-out. The administration's response has been, that they must stop terrorists and secure the U.S. borders. Understandable .

Since 9/11, the Bush administration has been quick to blame Canada for many things pertaining to terrorism. Our lax security of people coming into Canada, Allowing terrorists to cross the border into the U.S.( Not true), harbouring terrorist cells( not if we can help it), poor border security( again, the U.S customs controls your border, not Canadian).

We were the first country to come to the U.S. aid after 9/11. We allowed American planes to divert to Canadian airports without hesitation. That is why the skies were able to be cleared so quickly.

We have taken the insults and still said the Americans are our friends. Our government has worked hard to step up border security in conjunction with the U.S Homeland Security Department. We have implemented our own "no fly" list" , again in conjunction with the U.S. We are implementing the passport control for those entering or leaving Canada to or from the U.S.

We are still you biggest trading partner. Believe it or not, we still like most of you.

We carry passports when we fly to Mexico or Cuba or the Caribbean in case we have to land in the U.S. for an emergency.

Today, however, Homeland Security and Ambassador Wilkins have gone overboard. They are demanding flight lists of all planes flying over the U.S. to southern destinations even if they are not landing in the U.S. Fair enough. We understand this. What we don't understand and DO NOT LIKE, is they also want the itinerary of the passengers. Not just names, age and gender, but where we are going, how long we will be, when we are returning where we are staying. All in the name of security. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. WE ARE NOT STOPPING IN THE U.S.A.
Where we go and for how long is our business, not the governments and certainly not the U.S governments. This is a matter of personal PRIVACY. You are not the police department of the world . Get over yourselves. You have few friends left, don't alienate them with this stupidity.

How to lose friends and influence people negatively! Your administration has it down pat!!! Do not allow your country to become so afraid that you let personal freedoms be destroyed. it is not just our privacy that is in jeopardy but yours as well. Speak out against this ridiculous idea. Keep your friends by treating them like friends. We are
not the enemy.

Some have said if we have nothing to hide what does it matter. It matters to us, to you and the rest of the world because YOUR constitution says so. If you were flying to Alaska or Europe over Canadian airspace, do you want your private information given to the Canadian government.Write your Senator or Congressman and let them know how dumb this idea is. Put some pressure on your Homeland Security so you can keep your private life free from government inspection for no reason.

Monday, October 8, 2007


This is Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. I know it is a month earlier than in the US. Probably because of the shorter growing season this much farther north.

This year, we went into my daughter Erin's condo for dinner. Usually we hold these dinners at Mark and Kristin's because it is easier with Owen at his own home. However, Erin volunteered her place and Kristin was more than happy to say, Okay, then I don't have to plan". Each guest or family supplies a dish or drink, and in that way nobody gets stuck paying for everything.

For the event this year Erin bought a new dining room set and a new set of dishes. It was after all, her first real dinner party where we would not have to sit on couches , chairs and the floor.

Erin and Mrs. Moose went shopping for the dishes and also bought a new table cloth. It was too big for the table so Mrs. Moose cut it to fit and with the leftover material made napkins to match. The new dining room set and table cloth are in the top picture.

Because some people had to work we all arrived at different times. Mrs. Moose went in early to help Erin prepare things. Mark , Kristin and Owen arrived next and then I drove James and Amy in and we met Craig there. In the second picture, Mrs. Moose had Owen outside. By the look of it he was ready to make a phone call to find out where everyone was. He is smart enough to know that unless the phone is open, it will not work. When we had all arrived it was time for the appetizers. These consisted of Raw vegetables with dip, Bacon-wrapped water chestnuts,Ham sausage, cheese, pickles,and olives.

While the turkey was finished cooking, we sat down and had Autumn soup puree with toasted squash seeds. Then it was on to a salad frisee with craisins and a raspberry
vinaigrette. Then on to the main course.

The main course was Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Brussels sprouts, butternut squash gravy, and stuffing. All I can say is DELICIOUS!

For dessert we had apple crisp made with Alberta grown apples. And of course -WINE.

The middle picture was taken after dinner. Craig was saying something or doing something to Owen who for some unknown reason found it hilarious. Every time Craig would come near him he would star to laugh and laugh. This was pretty good for a little guy who had bee up for 8 hours without a nap and is teething to boot. That's why the red red cheeks. He has molars coming in. It didn't seem to affect his normally good humour too much. He loves his uncles and they love him.

The last picture was after he was put in his pajamas to get ready for bed. He wasn't ready!
He started to feed people the left over raw vegetables. He would take and bite and then like any good host would expect you to take a bite. From the same vegetable! Here, he has forced a radish into my mouth and then he decided he wanted it back. This boy will do anything for food, even going as far as taking it OUT of your mouth. He then passed it to his uncle Jim who declined. Can't say that I blame him.

All in all, it was an excellent Thanksgiving dinner with all the family there. What more could you ask for?
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Sunday, October 7, 2007

Fwd: Westjet - Hilarious!

Thanks to a retired WestJet Captain for sending this "paraphrase" of a memorable safety PA from their Flight Attendants.   In his own words...
"I was flying to Vancouver from Toronto this weekend, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like "what the heck?"    (Getting Toronto people to look at each other is an accomplishment.)
So once we were airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget.    I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

Hello and welcome to WestJet Flight 438 to Vancouver.  If you're going to Vancouver, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Vancouver, you're about to have a really long evening.  We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft.  The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is The Flight Attendants.  Please look at one now.

There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end.  If you're seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet.  That would be a really bad idea.  Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit.  Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, you'll be glad you did. We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits.  White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows.

In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag won't inflate, but there's oxygen there, I promise.  If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first.   If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite.   Help that one first and then work your way down.

In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane.  I usually use it as a fan when I'm having my own personal summer.  It makes a very good fan.  It also has pretty pictures.  Please take it out and play with it now.

Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your hips. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, it's a pulley thing -- not a pushy thing like your car, because you're in an airplane -- HELLO!

There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out.  This is a free service we provide.  There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit.  We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ... hold on, let me check what it is . Oh here it is ... the movie tonight is "Gone With the Wind."
In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and it's going to get really dark, really fast. If you're afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light.  Please don't press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.

We're glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing WestJet, and giving us your business and your money.  If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please don't hesitate to ask.  If you all weren't strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation, wouldn't you?

Welcome to the Vancouver International Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. It's not the Captain's fault. It's not the Copilot's fault. It's the Asphalt.
Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beat a plane to the gate.  So please, don't even try.
Also, please be careful opening the overhead bins because "shift happens."  



Friday, October 5, 2007

Fwd: This is awesome

 This is absolutely awesome
  ** **

Monday, October 1, 2007


With the autumn weather, each year we have the same chore to do. Rake the leaves.

As the colder weather approaches, the leaves of the trees begin to change color as the sap of the tree stops flowing. The leaves go from their summer green to vibrant golds, and yellows and reds depending on the tree. When the fall winds start to blow, the leaves begin to fall, carpeting the lawns in heir brilliant display.

In order to stop snow mold from growing and killing the grass,it is necessary to rake them all up. This past weekend was the beginning of the season. And we had a little helper.

Who can remember the fun as a kid? The parents would rake the leaves into piles and the little kids would jump to them and scatter the leaves all over. The parents would have to re-rake. As we got older, it became our jobs (chore) to rake the leaves. Depending on our ages we would still jump in the piles and rake them again and again.

Owen is just over a year old now and has never really seen the fall that he would remember. He probably won't remember this one either. But we thought, let's allow him to experience the joys we used to have. So the rake came out.

He watched very carefully while I raked a pile. He didn't know what to do , so I showed him how to throw the leaves and scatter them about. It didn't take long for him to catch on. I would rake and he would scatter. He even tried to rake some himself after we had buried his legs in the pile. He thought it was great fun. We didn't even have to pose him with the rake. He grabbed it himself. It was a little big (a lot actually) for him to wield but he tried.

We also taught him to listen to the crinkling noise that dry leaves can make and showed him how they come floating down when you throw them.

Next week, I think I'll teach him how to run through the pile and really scatter them.
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Long ago and far away,

In a land that time forgot,

Before the days of Dylan,

Or the dawn of Camelot


There lived a race of innocents,

And they were you and me,

Long ago and far away

In the Land That Made Me Me.


For Ike was in the White House

In that land where we were born,

Where navels were for oranges,

And Peyton Place was porn.


We learned to gut a muffler,

We washed our hair at dawn,

We spread our crinolines to dry

In circles on the lawn.


We longed for love & romance,

And waited for our Prince,

And Eddie Fisher married Liz,

And no one's seen him since.


We danced to "Little Darlin",

And Sand to "Stagger Lee"

And cried for Buddy Holly

In the Land That Made Me Me.


Only girls wore earrings then,

And 3 was one too many,

And only boys wore flat-top cuts,

Except for Jean McKinney.


We fell for Frankie Avalon,

Annette was oh, so nice,

And when they made a movie,

They never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five,

Or Psycho Two & Three

Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty

In the Land That Made Me Me


Miss Kitty had a heart of gold,

And Chester had a limp,

And Reagan was a Democrat

Whose co-star was a chimp.


We had a Mr. Wizard,

But not a Mr. T.,

And Oprah couldn't talk yet

In The Land That Made Me Me


We had our share of heroes,

We never thought they'd go,

At least not Bobby Darin,

Or Marilyn Monroe.


For youth was still eternal,

And Life was yet to be,

And Elvis was forever

In The Land That Made Me Me.


We'd never seen the rock band

That was Grateful to be Dead,

And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson,

And Zeppelins were not Led.


And Beatles lived in gardens then,

And Monkees lived in trees,

Madonna was a virgin

In the Land That Made Me Me.


We'd never heard of microwaves,

Or telephones in cars,

And babies might be bottle-fed,

But they weren't grown in jars.


And pumping iron got wrinkles out,

And "Gay" meant fancy-free,

And dorms were never co-ed

In the Land That Made Me Me.


We hadn't seen enough of jets

To talk about the lag,

And microchips were what was left

At the bottom of the bag.


And Hardware was a box of nails,

And bytes came from a flea,

And rocket ships were fiction

In The Land That Made Me Me.


Buick's came from portholes,

And side shows came with freaks,

And bathing suits came big enough

To cover both your cheeks.


And Coke came just in bottles,

And skirts came to the knee,

And Castro came to power

In The Land That Made Me Me.


We had no Crest with Fluoride,

We had no Hill Street Blues,

We all wore superstructure bras

Designed by Howard Hughes.


We had no patterned pantyhose

Or Lipton herbal tea

Or prime-time ads for condoms

In The Land That Made Me Me.


There were no golden arches,

No Perrier to chill,

And fish were not called Wanda,

And cats were not called Bill.


And middle-aged was 35

And old was forty-three

And ancient was our parents

In The Land That Made Me Me.


But all things have a season,

Or so we've heard them say,

And now instead of Maybelline

We swear by Retin-A.


And they send us invitations

To join AARP,

We've come a long way baby,

From The Land That Made Me Me.


So now we face a brave new world

In slightly larger jeans,

And wonder why they're using

Smaller print in magazines.


And we tell our children's children

Of the way it used to be,

Long ago and far away

In The Land That Made Me Me.