Fwd: Fw: Team Building with Viagra!

-









 Most people who know me , know that Alphonsedamoose enjoys a good joke. Sometimes even a mediocre joke. My good friend who write the blog "If the Creek Don't Rise" suggested I add some jokes to my blog page since I receive so many every day.

I think that if you can bring a smile to someone's face, you have probably added greatly to their day.

One of my greatest heroes as I was growing up was Red Skelton. I thought , and still do, that he was one of the greatest comedians who ever lived. He was always able to make me laugh. I remember thinking what a fantastic gift he had.

So enjoy

Alphonsedamoose

 

 

---

 

 

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)

When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.

 

The theme: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.

 

With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went
very well for everyone!

The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.

 

---

---

---

---

---

FISHING THE BOW RIVER

" How come you're catching fish and I'm not?", the guy just downstream from me asked. "What kind of fly are you using?". I told him what it was and he immediately changed what he had on his line. Not that it did him any good.

We had been on the same stretch of water for about four hours. I had landed three, good sized Rainbow trout and two Browns. He, on the other hand, had been skunked. Zilch, nada, nothing. Should I be laughing at this guy? Normally no, but you know how some people just rub you the wrong way. This was the guy. When we had first met the day before, all he talked about was his very expensive tackle. You could also tell he had taken fly casting lessons. He could put that fly out there a good long way and it usually touched down without much of a ripple. He liked to flog the water a lot.He was also one of those guys that had memorized the name of every fly ever made. And their colours.This man was long on book smarts and short on real smarts.

While he was putting his fly out 80-90 feet, I was putting mine out maybe 20-30. While he was flogging the water, I was just flipping my fly out a little way and letting it drift. As you can see in the picture, the Bow River is gorgeous. And right in front of me, it drops straight down to about 10 feet deep. It is so clear you can see the fish sitting, lying in wait for their meal. And that is where I put my fly. You can watch the big Browns and Rainbows just sit there and then slide up under your fly deciding whether or not they like the look of it.The most frustrating part is watching a 4-5 lb. Rainbow come up to just beneath your fly and then turn his nose up at it. They just sort of slide back into their waiting position. But when they hit! WHOA!what a beautiful thing. These are truly wild fish. They are not stocked hatchery fish. These are the real deal. Great fight. They hit your fly like a freight train. So hard, they set the hook themselves. When they fight, they will practically walk on water for you. Adrenaline rush. Best trout fishing anywhere.

The Bow River is a world famous trout fishery. On the particular section I was fishing, for Browns and Bull trout, it is catch and release only. For Brookies, there is a limit of five and for Rainbows just one. The resource is very carefully managed so that later generations will have fish in the rivers. Also here in Alberta, just to make things more interesting, barbless hooks are the law. If your flies have a barbed hook, you must file it down or bend it flat. This is also to make the release easier for the fishand for you. It also makes you very careful in bringing the fish in so you don't lose it.

To get to the spot I was standing at, I waded out about 100 feet and the water was never more than a foot deep with a nice gravel bottom. Every evening, this particular section would go absolutely dead calm and flat. And every evening you could watch the fish come to the surface to feed. What a rush.

As for the guy flogging the water-- when I left, he came and took over my spot. Still didn't catch anything.

If you are a fisherman and would like to try the Bow, it starts in Banff, Alberta and flows east through Calgary. Make sure you get a license and follow the regulations. HAPPY FISHING!

SHOPPING CART & SHOPPERS

For those of you who have been following the pond blogs , thank you. For those who have been reading my friend's blog "If the Creek Don't Rise", you know Mark got hit by a truck on his way home. For years I have known where these types of drivers have received their driver education. When they were young in the grocery store with their parents, they learned.

How many times have you gone to the store and been pushing your cart down the aisle, when somebody(male or female), coming in the opposite direction just bangs into your cart as if you were not even there. Do they say excuse me, or I'm sorry?. No they either give you a dirty look or continue blithely on their way as if nothing has happened.

There is also the "This is my aisle shopper". This person is the one who goes down the middle of the aisle, stopping every two feet to see what is on each side of them. Are they short-sighted? When you say excuse me, they move their carts two inches to the right. Hello! My cart is not that narrow. These people are next of kin to the ones who put their cart on one side of the aisle and then stand directly across from it, shopping from the shelves on the other side. These are the people who do not move and don't seem to mind holding up twelve other people while they decide if they need one can of peas or two. This is the " I don't care about anyone shopper".

You also have the " Get of of my way, I'm coming through shopper". We all know this person. The one who is in a rush and so important, they cut you off to get to the next spot, usually three feet away, before you. They then become a "This is my aisle shopper" or the " I don't care about about anyone shopper".

The next type of shopper is the "Traffic Jammer". This one is usually found in the fruits and vegetable section. They park their cart in the middle of an aisle (usually cross-ways) and then wanders off to shop for their fruits and veggies. You don't even have someone to ask to "please excuse me". They are there somewhere but who knows where?
This shopper not only jams up one aisle but a whole section of one department.

When you do finally get to the check-out, you come across the " I forgot something shopper". This is the one who gets in line and starts to unload groceries. Then , coming out of their "I'm from a different planet daze" remembers that they forgot to pick up a jar of pickles and simply can't leave without them. How many times have you heard " I'll be right back"? Hey! Pickles are at the other end of the store. Because they have already started through the cash, the poor cashier is also stuck waiting for "The Return".

The absolute worst shopper is the "I can't count shopper". We all know this one. The check-out clearly states- 12 items or less. It is the express line. The "I can't count shopper" usually has two to three times that number. Their reasoning is that if the cashier says anything they will threaten to take their business elsewhere. My wife hates it when I stand and count someone else's items. This shopper is also the one who wants to pay by check and then can't find the check book.

I know we have all made some of these faux-pas. The way you to tell if someone is really one of these shoppers is easy. You keep meeting them in every aisle and at the check out. Maybe we could borrow some lights from " The QwerkyTurkey. Now that is another great blog.

Maybe we could get the government to issue Shopping Cart Driver Permits. Nope. Just like on the road, these people would still be free to roam the world.

THE POND-- 2 YEARS LATER STILL 6 TO GO

Welcome back to the pond two years later. During those 2 years we learned what to use in the pond to keep the algae in check, what floaters and oxygenating plants to use,and what to do with the fish in winter. We (I) learned to be careful when readjusting rocks at the waterfall because it was NOT quite right. For the most part, the pond had been very good. The kids kept slipping in more and more fish without telling me. At that point, there were 13 fish in the pond.

At the two year mark, about halfway through the summer, I noticed I was losing water from the pond for some reason. I would fill the pond to the overflow level and 2 days later, it would be down 6 inches. Obviously i had a leak somewhere.Upon close inspection of the liner, I could see that the tarp was wearing out.With the fish swimming near the bottom and turning up any dirt or dust that had fallen in, only the threads of the tarp were left. I think that was because the fish were spawning in the dirt and small pebbles on the bottom of the pond.

What to do? RIIIIIGHT! put in a new liner. This required taking 13 fish and the babies that we could catch out of the pond.Then we removed the pump and hose,drained the water and lifted that BIG rock from the pond again. Then we moved the ton of rock around from around the pond. We then went out and bought the proper pond liner. this liner is not exactly cheap. We brought it back to the house and relaid the liner. We then had to put the ton of rock back in place, lift the big rock back into the pond and add 700 gallons of water. When this was completed, we reconnected the pump and hose. We then had to wait a full day for the water to warm up before adding the fish and the plants.

To top all of this off, the waterfall was worse than before, which meant trying to fix it once again. So far we had made this pond three times. Was that the lucky number? Stay tuned.

THE POND -THE THIRD AND FOURTH DAY

If you are wondering what happened to day 2, it went by uneventfully. For this reason I have skipped to day 3. I spent most of day 2 just enjoying the look of the clear water and the sound of the water crashing into the pond from the one foot high waterfall.As the day wore on, I just knew that something about the waterfall was not right.It ate at me the whole night.

The next morning, I went out and knew that I had to fix the waterfall. Very gingerly, I stepped on the rocks near the waterfall and started to adjust the problem that I had noticed. One rock in particular was not quite in the right spot for the type of flow I was looking for. Because the rocks were still not settled into place , I did not want to disturb them any more than necessary. I got the offending rock adjusted , so that the flow was just right. I stepped back and as I did so , it happened. One of the rocks moved and fell into the pond. Three or four more followed in quick succession. Not a problem. With ease , I got them out and re-positioned them.All seemed fine.

Day four brought a shocking surprise. Out to the yard I went to find that half the water was gone from the pond. Immediately, I knew why! When the rocks had fallen in , one of them had punctured the liner. I could see the hole. What to do? The only thing I could do , was to drain the water, move the ton of rocks, and move the liner. Two hours later, I slid the liner enough so that the hole was above the water-line. Now What? Oh yes! Move the ton of rocks back into position, put he pump back in , and fill the pond with another 700 gallons of water(for which we pay).

One of the worst things about moving the rocks was that one of them was in the middle of he pond. This is not just a rock . This is a ROCK! It took two of us just to get it in the first time. Getting it out was even more fun. It still took two of us, but we had to lift it that extra 22 inches to get it out. To put it back we decided to rest it in on smaller,flat rocks on the bottom to distribute the weight. This would also create a open space for the eventual fish to swim under the rock . Craig and I carefully completed this job without putting another hole in the liner.The rock now sits proudly with the top above water for the birds to be able to get a drink and bathe, and under which the fish do hide.

We have now built this pond twice in four days.And the damn waterfall is still not right! Did I happen to mention that the waterfall is made from old GRANITE tombstones. Heavier than &%$$#**&^^%$#. Two of them are also in the pond jut above the water-line. You can even read the inscriptions on them . My wife calls them MONUMENT ROCK. Another great spot for the fish and birds. As for the waterfall---- I'll adjust it tomorrow.

HOW TO BUILD A GARDEN POND

As we all know, nature takes her time in creating most things. Coral reefs, deltas, most islands, mountains, lakes and ponds. Occasionally, she will speed things up with hurricanes, tornadoes, landslides and volcanoes. But for the most part, it is a time consuming process.

Of course, if you are landscaping a yard you want to be done in one season, maybe two. Especially if you are putting in a fish pond. These are great for just relaxing beside and adding an interesting feature to the overall look of your yard. We decided to put a small pond in our backyard 10 years ago. A pond 6 feet by 12 feet right beside our patio was an ideal size.

For this we needed a pond liner, a pump, a hose from the pump to the waterfall, and lots of rocks. Plus strong backs to dig the hole. The strong backs were courtesy of my two sons. We planned to dig 22 inches at the deepest since, in our town, anything deeper than that has to have a pool permit. It also has to have a 6 foot fence with a locked gate. Being extremely frugal(cheap), instead of actual pond liner I bought a water proof tarp. I thought that since it was water proof, it would hold the water with no problem at all. I was right. The pump was purchased at Canadian Tire and the rocks were picked from fields and construction areas around our town. They were hauled back to our house in a small Plymouth Horizon hatchback. Not the best way to do this job. We had to load them in a small wheel-barrow and take them from the front street around the house to the back. We had about a ton of rocks to move.

To mark the pond shape, we used a garden hose and cut around where the hose lay on the ground. We carefully lifted pieces of sod, put them aside and started to dig. The ground had not been turned for at least 20 years and was rock hard. However with the strong backs (my sons) and brilliant supervision (me ) we soon had a decent hole going. It took about an hour to get the hole about 15 inches deep and then...... we hit the clay. SOLID, ROCK HARD CLAY! And did I mention the tree roots? NO! We also hit tree roots. Another 2-3 hours of slogging and we had the hole. I was exhausted just watching them dig.

It was now time for the liner. I had read somewhere that you should put down a cushion lining in the hole before the actual pond liner. Fortunately we did not have to buy this. My wife hated the carpet we had in the dining room, so we tore it out and used the underlay for the cushion. Then we lay the tarp material in the hole and smoothed it out as best we could. We overlapped the pond edge by approximately 18 inches all around the pond and started putting the ton of collected rocks into place. This was fairly easy compared to the digging(or so I am told). Actually the easy part was just coming up. Put hose in pond, turn on water. Wait for pond to fill. Put in pump, add hose for waterfall, plug in pump. You now have a beautiful crystal clear pond with a gorgeous waterfall. If Canadian Tire has sold you a strong enough pump. If not you have a beautiful pond with a small dribble of water.

Off to Canadian Tire, I went to exchange the pump for a stronger model. Of course the stronger model needed a different size hose. Better buy that also. Home again, home again , put the pump in.

Next blog: The Pond

MOM,MOM,MOM,MOM,MOM

Back on April 2,2007, I wrote a piece on growing young with your grandchild. Obviously he has gotten two months older in the meantime and is certainly changing. At 8 1/2 months old, he is recognizing people without having to think about it first and will greet them with the appropriate smile and laugh if he knows them. If he doesn't, he just looks at them until he has decided that the person is okay or not.

We had the good fortune to baby sit him this afternoon until this evening. We watched Peter Pan. We also played with the dogs and he played with some of his toys on the floor. He is getting to be so active and even funnier. He is eating regular food and just loves it. Tonight, he shared my steak and potatoes. He even ate onions and yellow peppers. As long as you are feeding him, he is quite happy to be with you.
When he (we) finished he wanted to be play with my laptop. He kept reaching for the keyboard or the mouse to get things to change on the screen.We were having such a good time together. And then........ K, ( his mom ) came to pick him up.

He was sitting in my lap, squirming to get t0 the phone when K came in the door. As soon as Owen saw her, the fake cry came to the forefront. The pout came on to his face and his little arms reached for her. We started to laugh at his antics and then he hurt me to the very core of my being. Well not really. He took my hand and arm and physically moved them so he could get to his mother. He was so definite about what he wanted and it wasn't me. MOM, MOM MOM, MOM, MOM!! Eight and a half months old and he rejected his grandfather. The pain! The agony! AAAGGGHHHH!

I can hardly wait to see him again so that he can continue to keep me young.

WHAT'S IN A GNOME?

As some married couple begin to age , they start to do some strange and mind-boggling things. Especially if they have been married more than 20 years. This is not necessarily a bad thing but rather a show of love and affection for each other. It was thus with Mrs. Moose and I.

It started about 10 years ago, when June bought me a couple of small gnomes for Father's Day. Why she bought them I'm not really sure. I think it was more of a joke than anything. I put them in the garden where we would be able to see them when we walked around.

The very next day after I came home from work, I was out in the garden and they were gone. " What the heck?" I thought,"I know I put them right there". Looking around the yard I spotted one peeking out from some daffodils and another under a bush. AHA!! There was June standing in the patio door laughing. She had hidden them on me, watching to see how long it would be before I noticed. Not long.

The next day, I was home and June went out somewhere. This was my chance. I went out to the yard and re-hid the gnomes in a tree and behind some rocks. That was the start of two grown people ( supposedly) hiding gnomes on each other or the next 4 months. Not only that. For Christmas, as a surprise , I bought June a gnome of her own. Little did I know that she had bought me a book on the official history and lifestyle gnomes including their ancestry and house building techniques.

For the next several years, we bought at least one or 2 gnomes per year. We even found one that sort of resembled my father, another that is a drunk and one that gardens. June's sister has sent us a gnome that is in a sitting position. He has a spot of honour on one of the rocks right beside our pond.

To add ridiculousness to silliness we have even gone one step further. June has made the sign for this and it hangs on the arbour in our yard. She even painted a little gnome on it." What is this sign?" you ask. We decided to take a page out of the movies and from the Deep South We named our property. And the name of the property is............... are you ready for it? GNOME MAN'S LAND

WE ARE PROFESSIONALS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

A few years ago, my wife and I decided we would put up some bird feeders in our back yard. We live in a suburb and are right on the outskirts. To the east is nothing but a farmers field and a tree line. We thought that putting up a feeder would attract different and colourful birds to our yard. Also the various chirps, tweets and songs would bring an extra serenity to our hectic lives.

We have a garden in the back and the yard is completely fenced. We decided to hang the feeder from an old real-estate sign post that we had gotten from somewhere. You know the kind made from metal with the arm that hangs out at 90 degrees so a for sale or sold sign can be hung. This would make an ideal post for hanging the feeder.

I waited for a good rain to come and go, so that the ground would be soft enough to drive in the post. I got my small "persuader" so that I could drive the post down far enough so that it would be solid. The post was about eight feet tall before going into the ground. Put it in two feet and it wold not move.

Out to the garden I went. I figured I could ram the post into the ground far enough that it would stand upright while I was on the ladder with my "persuader". I just planned on hammering it down the two feet necessary. I got a good grip on the vertical metal part of the post and rammed it in the ground. Not hard enough or far enough . I decided to try again, this time with a lot more force, Crash!!!. I threw all of my body weight into the thrust. So hard I ended up on my knees.

I remember June running out to see if I was alright. I staggered over to her and said we better go to the hospital. Why? you may ask.

For a very simple reason. When I had rammed the post into the ground, I had forgotten about the arm that sticks out. As I was ramming down, the very end of the arm had caught the top of the fence. The pole turned just enough in my hands so that arm spun around and hit the top of my head. I very nearly knocked myself out. I certainly cut my head enough for stitches. June had witnessed the whole thing and thought I had done some serious damage as my knees just buckled and I went down.

When we knew I was okay, we had a good laugh about what a stupid thing I had done

So remember: WE'RE PROFESSIONALS. DON"T TRY THIS AT HOME

ESTIMATING A GARAGE WITH SIDING

The building supply company that I work for(TOTEM BUILDING SUPPLIES) is one of the best places I know. To be able to work in an atmosphere that is both professional and fun is truly a unique experience.

I say professional because of the way the company treats and trains the associates that work for them. They have a training facility in two cities. They train the new associates on product knowledge for all sections of the store during a two week session. They also train for one week on how to build and estimate for decks, fences and garages. Because they have been doing it for so many years , the company has this down to a fine art. Since we are so good at estimating we sell an incredible number of decks, fences and garages. We have a program in the computers for certain sizes of each product. The reason we are so good though is because we can modify any one of these packages to suit individual needs. For example , we can change the size of a garage and modify all the materials needed to build that garage . We can add or subtract studs, sheathing, windows and siding . We do it all and we do it right. USUALLY. As in any job, inadvertent mistakes can happen. Even I, Alphonse, have been known to make one or two.

I think the worst was about four years ago. I was doing an estimate for a gentleman during our annual garage promotion in April. At this time,anything that is bought with the garage and or is necessary to build the garage is GST free. This includes things like saws, ladders, hammers, insulation, the garage package itself,drywall and siding.

Fortunately, for me and my customer,when we sell the garage a garage, we check to make sure any changes that have been made are correct. I had made some size changes to the garage and consequently , I had to make changes for the sheathing and siding. This is not difficult and you don't have to be a brain surgeon. You pull the garage up in the computer, add the SKU# for the sheathing and how many pieces. You do the same for the siding. Pull up the SKU# for the siding and how many pieces you want. I had done all this perfectly.....or so I thought.

I was off for the next two days. When I came back everyone kept laughing at me and would not tell me why. Their were some little asides about siding but nothing specific.

Finally, someone told me that my customer had come in and purchased the garage and set the delivery up. One of the salesman, going through the estimate, noticed the mistake I had made. It saved the customer quite a bit of money.
Now you have to realize that each product in the store has an SKU number. Everything. If you put in the wrong number, the wrong product is put on the invoice. That is why we check them so carefully. The inadvertent mistake I made? I had accidentally transposed two of the numbers and instead of selling the customer siding, I had mistakenly sold him:


88 BONE TOILET SEATS to side his garage

PUTTING UP PINE PANELING

As I sit here at my computer, my better half is in the basement putting pine paneling on the walls. This is not something I am making her do. She asked me to show her how to do it the way I wanted it done. We have about 30 packages of paneling to do. Because of my back situation, she will not allow me to help and I have been banned from watching.

She called me own about an hour ago to show her what to do with the nail gun, , saw, square, etc. Now my wife does know something about tools, unlike those people on "Canada's Worst Handyman". When I went down ,she started to clean an area to work while I watched. She did this for about 10 minutes and there was still more to go. Why I was there, I have no idea. I left and came back upstairs. When she was ready the second time , I had to bring a paper towel with me because she had found a dead mouse. Deathly afraid of mice. Once it was removed ,we proceeded to get the compressor ready. As it filled with air , the hose and nail gun were attached. I had already shown her how to load the gun with the brad nails.

We proceeded to put up the first piece and nail it in place, making sure it was vertical using a level. I must admit, when it came to the second place, we had to loosen the first one a bit, because it was so it too tight to the wall. The tongue and groove would not match up. We got the second piece tacked in where we wanted it.

Since we are going to have a drop ceiling, we really didn't have to cut pieces to length . Anything a bit too high is going to be hidden anyway. After abut 4 pieces we came to the first cut which has to go around a floor joist . June got the piece measured using the piece beside as a template for the proper height.

As she got this shorter piece ready she had it all properly measured and squared. It was at this point she requested that I show her how to use the hand saw.(Slap my head, roll my eyes, stifle laugh). She got the piece cut and actually did a very good job. As she was tapping the pieces into place, I noticed that she was using the mallet and sort of hammering into the tongue. I showed her how to slide the mallet along the wall into the tongue so as not to damage it. After another 2 pieces of being hammered in, I told her I was going to nominate her for "Handyman 3". She said I couldn't knit. LOW BLOW!!

She told me to leave but I said I wanted to see what she was going to do with the heating pipe that will be boxed in. She measured and cut and was ready to nail. I stopped her here and said to use the piece she had cut as a template for the height of the next 6-7 pieces that she would need. After explaining why (only once) she agreed that this would be a good Idea.

So I left and came to write my blog. June has since come up and told me she is learning a lot. Like what? Well , you should check the piece and make sure it isn't split before you cut it. Also check the piece and cut off the bad end , not the good. Oh, and it can really get hot in the basement while you do this. With great pride she said,"ask me how many more pieces I have put up?". Dummy that I am, I did so. ZERO!!!!! She has been cutting pieces all the time I have been writing this with my 2 finger method.

If I was smart I would not even publish this blog but.........someone wicked, this way writes

I may buy her a tool-belt for Mother's Day

I figure it this way. If I can each her enough about this, when I retire ,golf and fishing will be a reality. She knows how to build.AND I DON"T WANT TO LEARN TO KNIT!!!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG, THE GRASS IS RIZ

Ah yes, that time of year again. Spring! the glorious season when the weather warms up, the birds migrate back from the south, and flowers start to poke their heads above the ground. It is also the time of year when we look to our lawns.

Usually the grass is brown at this time of year, having lain dormant under the snow for the last 6months. Sometimes there is snow mold to rake off, depending on the type of winter you have had. Sometimes there are leaves to rake if they have not all been collected in the fall. AH yes! SPRING! Time to start making that lawn green again.

Out comes the rake and fertilizer. You will spend hours outside working on the lawn. Rake out all the old dead grass. Maybe even power rake with your lawn mower. Put water to the lawn to make it grow.Add fertilizer if necessary. Make sure you get the kind that will make the grass greener and the roots hardier. While the lawn is wet , you might want to go to the nearest rental place and get an aerator. This will help your lawn stay healthy. It will also leave small plugs of dirt all over your lawn making it look black instead of brown. Not to worry. They will eventually break down and just become part of your lawn again.

Sometimes it is necessary to throw down some new seed where the neighbour's dog or cat has decided your lawn will make a good bathroom. With tenderness and affection, you will look after this spot so that it will match perfectly to the rest of your grass. You also have to find a way to keep the birds from eating this buffet that you have so generously provided. It will all be worth it.

In no time at all that grass will be growing like there is no tomorrow. What to do? Buy a goat? No, too smelly. Buy a sheep?. No, too many pellets left. A horse? Not enough room. The only logical thing left is to cut it. That is the reason you went and purchased that $1200.00 dollar mower in the first place. It is not only self-propelled but will slice, dice and chop that grass into little bits. In some cases you may even collect these little pieces in the attached bag and put them in the compost bin that the city has provided to you. You will continue to do this all summer long, well into the fall. Grow the grass,fertilize the grass, cut the grass and kill it for compost. The city will collect your compost bin every week faithfully for you. For a charge of course.

The best part is if you have a small garden. After you have given the city your grass for composting, they will, in the true spirit of politicians everywhere, SELL it back to you for use in your garden. They will even allow you to put the material you don't use from your garden back into the compost bin so they can charge you to take it away and sell it back to you.

Maybe I'll just put rocks in my yard.

Yes, spring has sprung, the grass is riz.

Happy Summer Everyone!