Why did the chicken cross the road?

>
>
> GRANDPA:
> In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARACK OBAMA:
> The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
>
> JOHN McCAIN:
> My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON:
> When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
>
> DR. PHIL:
> The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
>
> OPRAH:
> Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH:
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> COLIN POWELL:
> Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
>
> ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
>
> JOHN KERRY:
> Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN:
> To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART:
> No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS:
> Did the chicken cross the road?
> Did he cross it with a load?
> Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
> but why it crossed I've not been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
> To die. In the rain. Alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL:
> Because the chicken was GAY! Can't you people see the plain truth?! That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS:
> In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE:
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON:
> Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES:
> I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cr a...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN:
> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON:
> I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
>
> AL GORE:
> I invented the chicken!
>
> COLONEL SANDERS:
> Did I miss one?
>
> AL SHARPTON:
> Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens .

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Fwd: Why God Made Mom's

 

 

 

 

Why God made moms....   All answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions :

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy..
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who ' s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What ' s the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ' cause that ' s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend ' s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don ' t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I ' d GET rid of that.
2. I ' d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING -- SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!   

BUSY< BUSY BUSY

Things have been just crazy busy at work for the last couple of weeks. I have been so busy that by the time I get home, have supper and check my mail, I am ready for bed.
If there is a recession going on, it is certainly not here in Alberta.

I got to work at 10:30 this morning, pulled out some paper work i needed to get done and then didn't even get a chance to look at it until 2 this afternoon. It was just one customer after another- which is a good thing.

We were over at Mark and Kristin's for Mark's 31st birthday. Everyone had a great time, especially Owen. He finally decided that he would wear his hat and of his sunglasses. He kept them on for hours. We were all totally shocked. He thinks he is so cool.
He has been over to our house a couple of times. What with spring finally arriving, yard work has also kept us busy and he loves to be outside. I decided to let him help me water some new grass seed that I had thrown down. He really enjoyed playing with the water and hose. He also had new rubber boots which of course saved the day . His feet would have been soaking wet in regular shoes.

His mom and dad took him to the zoo this past weekend. Apparently he loved it, especially the train ride.
We want to take him just to see his reaction to the elephant when he sees it. When he sees pictures he calls it a big puppy. What will he think?
I apologize for being off for so long. I will try to catch up with everyone as soon as possible. Posts may slow down for a while. This is our busy time of year.

Fwd: Fw:

This one is well worth the listen, even if you have seen it before.

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Hello everyone,   The following is absolutely beautiful.     Turn on your speakers and listen to the whole thing.   This hits home with many of us. Josh Groban sings... 'You raise me up'    Send to your children and your friends with or without children. Please Click on below: http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html

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