Fwd: Wedding anniversary

The author of this blogs denies  having participated or agreeing to any of the statements in the following:

John was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.   She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds."   The next morning John got up early and left for work.   When his wife woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.   Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.   She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.    John has been missing since Friday.             Life is too short for petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly!

You might be a Canadian if ...

  25 Signs That You Might Be a Canadian

 

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

 
2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

  
3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

 
4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

  
5. You know that a Mickey and 24's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"

  
6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

  
7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

  
8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

  
9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

 
10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

  
11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

 
12. You brag to Americans that; Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & Mike Myers are Canadians.

  
13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

 
14. You know what a toque is.

  
15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

 
16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

 
17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

 
18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

  
19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

 
20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

  
21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".

 
22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

  
23. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

 
24. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"

  
25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! 

(Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them!)

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Fwd: [Fwd: [Fwd: Fw: The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart]]

 

 

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably. 
Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start. 
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes. 
Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. 
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mount St.Helens freezes. 
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C) 
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. 
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes. 
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the beer keg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. 
Canadians start saying "Cold, eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over. 
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

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THE BEST PRESENT I EVER RECEIVED

This past February 14th, was my 61st. birthday. Rather than do anything on Valentine's Day, it was decided that the whole family would go out for dinner last night: Wife, daughters, sons, husbands, girlfriends and of course Grandson Owen.
I was given the best gift anybody could ever recieve from their family. I was given an empty jar and 1000 marbles. It is the best gift I have ever received. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to Mrs. Moose,Erin, Kristin,Mark, Owen, Jim, Amy and Craig. I love you all.
















To fully appreciate the significance of this gift, you must go back and read my Jan 21/08 post entitled 3900. I think you will then understand.

COMFORTABLE

The first and second picture were taken from inside the house by Mrs. Moose. Owen was outside the house with me. This was after one of our walks. Usually, when Owen is here this is the window he likes to look out of, at the birds and when his parents come to pick him up. He has looked in from the outside before but we have never taken his picture doing this.

As you can seee the screen softens his features and blurs them just a tiny bit. As I held him up to the screen his grandmother would talk to him and take the pictures. The first picture he was not quite sure what to look at but the second picture he knew exactly. I love the rosy cheeks and red nose. It epitomizes, for me, a healthy little boy loving the outdoors in winter.
The last two pictures were taken earlier this week, when he was over one evening. His dad was picking him up and the roads were slippery. Owen was starting to get a bit tired, so he just lay down on top of me in a chair. Then the little devil in him came out. He loves to put up his foot up (even at the dinner table) and have someone grab it and say" you get that foot down". Of course , it immediateley comes back up with a laugh and a twinkle in the eye. DO it again!

As we pull his foot down he laughs and laughs.

I think the final piture says it all......... I'm exhausted grandpa. Don't worry about it little one......... so is Grandpa.

Fwd: Fw: An Australian Definition of a Canadian

I thought this was worth reading. Have a nice day!     Sometimes we just have to hear this......       An Australian Definition of a Canadian In case anyone asks you who a Canadian is . . .     ** **Proud to be Canadian   An Australian Definition of a Canadian - Written by   an Australian Dentist       You probably missed it in the local news, but there was a report   that someone in Pakistan had advertised in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed a Canadian - any Canadian.     An Australian dentist wrote the following editorial to help define   what a Canadian is, so they would know one when they found one.     A Canadian can be English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German,  Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. A Canadian can be Mexican,   African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian,   Asian, Arab, Pakistani or Afghan.     A Canadian may also be a Cree, Métis, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Sioux, or one of the many other tribes known as native Canadians. A   Canadian's religious beliefs range from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or none. In fact, there are more Muslims in Canada than in Afghanistan. The key difference is that in Canada they are free to worship as each of them chooses. Whether they have a religion or no religion, each Canadian ultimately answers only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.     A Canadian lives in one of the most prosperous lands in the history  of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which recognize the right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.     A Canadian is generous and Canadians have helped out just about  every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return. Canadians welcome the best of everything, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services and the best minds. But they also welcome the least - the oppressed, the outcast and the rejected.     These are the people who built Canada. You can try to kill a  Canadian if you must as other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world  have tried but in doing so you could just be killing a relative, or a  neighbour. This is because Canadians are not a particular people   from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, can be a Canadian.     Please keep this going! Pass this around the World. Then pass it around again. It says it all, for all of us      'Keep your stick on the ice'

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A WINTER WALK

These pictures were taken last Saturday when Owen was over for a few hours. It was a beautiful day out(about -10 Celsius) so we decided to go for a short walk.

As you can see we have a little bit of snow on the ground.Nothing horrendous or too terribly deep. Just enough to make it interesting for such a little guy.

The plows had been by the day before and there were chunks of snow-ice on the sidewalks. On one of our previous walks Owen had found out how much fun it was to smah snow chunks with your boots. He decided he could take on this piece. However, because it was snow and ice combined, it would not break. He would stomp as hard as he could and the piece would skid out from under his foot. After trying about twenty times he finally gave up on this piece and went on to a smaller chunk. No problem at all. He had that little piece broken into three smaller lumps on the first try. Then he picked up one of the pieces or at least tried to do so. His mitts are still big on him and he can't get his thumb in the thumb hole, so he has to use his whole hand to pick up the piece.This is difficult becaue he can really only use the palm of his hand.

After a number of attempts he was able to do it. The snow was so frosty at this point that the lump just stuck to his hand. This confused him a bit and he tried to shake it off. He looked like one of those comedians who has paper stuck to his hand and can't get rid of it. He would shake his hand and look at it, only to find the piece of snow still there. He finally grabbed it with both hands and carried it around like it was something precious, that he did not want to lose.

This was the first time he really attempted to walk in snow. I would go to the edge of the sidewalk and push my foot into the snow and then he would try to do the same. It was hard for him because he would sink in and get stuck. I would then have to pull him out. He was trying to put his foot as far off the edge as he could. Hence the split stance.

He soon realized that if he held my hand he could balance a lot easier. Then he was off. He tromped off into the snow and I had to follow. He walked all around our front yard and enjoyed himself immensely.

The hat he has on, is one of the few that he will wear. For some reason, he just loves this hat. Maybe because it covers his ears. He also has a shirt, a sweatshirt and his winter coat on. He wears longjohns under his jeans and over his diaper so he is very warm. I just don't know how he can move.

I do know he sleeps well after one of these excursions and so does Grandpa.

Fwd: Fw: The shower

 

 

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.


Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.


Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.


Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.


Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.


Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.


Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.


Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.


Get out of shower and stand on bath mat .


Dry with towel the size of a small country.


Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on he ad.


If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.


Look at your manly physique in the mirror.


Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.


Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.


Blow your nose in your hands and let t he water rinse them off.


Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.


Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.


Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.


Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
 
 
 Pee.


Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat .


Dry off forearms and butt only.


Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.


Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.


Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.


Return to bedroom with towel around waist.


If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.


Throw wet towel on bed.


If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.


Have a great day! And, ' woo woo'!!!

 

 

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