Ramblings of a moose

THE TWO GRANDKIDS

2010-09-13T22:28:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile since ilast posted. For those of you who foloowed when I writing lots, yoy will recognize the handsome young man in this picture. Yes, this is Owen. He turned four years old on the 2nd of September. The sweet young lady is Quinlan, his baby sister. She was born on May 6, 2010. She was a healthy 8lbs 7oz. Just over a pound smaller than Owen.

Owen started pre-school last week and goes 3 mornings a week. I am always amazed at how smart he is. He went to a corn maze with his auntie Erin this weekend and led her through. When they came to an intersection and had a choice of which way to go , he pulled out an imaginary map and looked it over. Then he said:"this way ". They got through the maze! He still loves the hot as you can see. That's him swimming under Quinlan in the second picture. She loves the tub as much as he does. She loves people and has a smile that will melt your heart.
She is starting to teeth now and is still happy . She also talks a lot. Typical woman.
Grandma is trying to get her to be a Gramma's girl. Good luck with that. She is too active to be a gramma's girl. Just kicks and kicks an smiles.

Hope this has updated a lot of good friends. i will try to post more but time is short. The next post will probably be about Liam, our newest Grandson from my son James. You will love him.

2010-01-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

I was reading and catching up on some old blog friends and thought it was time I posted again.
It has been a very busy time up here in the Great White North. A little on the chilly side also. November was a cold month herein Alberta as you can see by the picture of the thermometer. Yes! that does say -32 Celsius(-21f). Mrs Moose took this one when we were out in the hot tub. The next day I think it was down a bit to -42C. Still went out to the tub though.

This picture was taken at Christmas. the lens is not dirty. that is steam coming off the water. As you can see, we wear hats to keep our hair dry. Not that they do much good, but it is the only way we can get Owen to wear one. he thinks , if he needs one, everybody does.The great mind of a three year old.
Here is Owen at Christmas. He and his parents went to Mexico for the Holidays and this was taken after they got back. he is sure getting big. Still the joy of my life. He loves to come to Gramma and Grampa's to sleep over. Here he is opening a helmet of his favourite Transformer "Bumblebee'. The only problem was that he wouldn't put it on. he was having too much fun playing with his new Hotwheels and his new slinky.
He is in Pre-school this year and loving it. I went to his Christmas concert and he introduced me to everyone, especially his teacher.
He sure has come a long way from being a little baby to a three year old boy.He is also going to have a little sister in May. I think he is excited about it. He just doesn't like that it makes his mommy tired.

This was taken at his last sleepover. Notice the snow on the arbour in he background. This was after 4 days of plus temperatures.

CANADIAN THANKSGIVING 2009

2009-10-12T14:21:00.000-06:00

I have so much to be thankful for. I have good health , a roof over my had, a job I like, food on my table. I live in a country that is basically at peace and where I am free to express my own thoughts.Where I can vote for whom I wish without fear of reprisals.

Most of all, I have been truly blessed with the most important people in my life.

My Daughter Kristin,my son-in-law Mark and of course, my grandson Owen

My son Craig
My daughter Erin and son James
And of course the love of my life, my wife June

Happy Thanksgiving to All

Three Short Years

2009-10-03T22:25:00.000-06:00

It' s been a while since I last posted. The time has gone by so quickly.
We have been through more than a year of recession and comeback. Up here in "The North Country" we have survived pretty well. Business ahs been good at work, construction and renovations have continued and the family is all healthy and working.

As i look back ont he last year, I alsolook back on the last three and cannot help but be amazed. Owen has gone from this tiny little bundle of nine minute old blank slate to an amazing smart life-loving three year old.

He has learned how to crawl , walk, run and climb. He has gone from being silent (except for crying) to being able to carry on an intelligent conversation.
He has learned how to charm people, how to manipulate people and most importantly--- how to think for himself.

He can dress himself completely from head to toe. He no longer wears diapers and thinks only babies need them. Wait until he gets old.
He can get into his car seat by himself and do up the straps tightly enough so he is safe.
He can ride a tricycle like a bat out of hell and has a battery-operated jeep that can go REAL fast.
He loves the hot tub( ours is better than his parents) or so he says. He goes to preschool and does Gymmasticks. He loves peanut butter and bread.

His favorite movies are Finding Nemo, A Bugs Life, Wall-E , and Transformers. That is his favourite. He understands that Optimus Prime, BumbleBee and Hot Rod are the good guys and Megatron and Unicron are the bad guys.

He loves going to the park and expects me to take him there everytime he comes over in the summer. When he is here for a sleepover, we go in the hot tub and have a fire afterwards
He loves to climb on the playground equipment and thinks his old decrepit body of mine should keep up.

He doeslearn bad things from his uncles however. Since he loves the Transformers so much and Hot Rods old friend is an old Pickup truck/autobot named Kup. Hot rod refers to him as "old timer" and that is Owepulls his face real close and lokking straight into my eyes says" You're Old Tmer". Then he laugh and laughs and laughs. He has a wicked sense of humour

His uncle Craig has taught him a trick in the hot tub. They call it the floating head. He moves around saying"Where's my body, where's my body?"

He loves to help out. Today he helped me change a tire, go buy some new shoes do some grocery shopping, find a new movie: "Monsters vs Aliens",helped make scrambled eggs for breakfast, drain the hot tub to put in fresh water, pooper scoop, watch the new movie and then nap for three hours.

All in all I would say it has been a great three years. It can only get better.

IT'S BEEN A BUSY SUMMER

2008-08-31T18:20:00.002-06:00

It has been a extremely busy summer for us since my Mother's funeral in early July. Both my brother, who lives in Toronto and myself ( in Edmonton )were executors of her will. Being over 2000 miles apart and trying to deal with funeral homes, banks, and relatives is not easy. At the same time , being back at work during the busiest time of the year for building supply stores. I just felt like I was on a treadmill and running and running and getting nowhere. Thank God for my family. They were the ones who helped me get through all the stressful times and I thank them and love them very much.

I did get two weeks vacation from the middle of July to the end of July. The first week we had Owen everyday for a few hours. He is getting so big and smarter all the time He loves to be chased and has found a hiding place under the fir tree in the front yard. He not only hides but pretends to be a big monster and when you get too close, he chases after you roaring. If you turn back toward him , the brakes come on and he takes off laughing to beat the band. When you get too close he "falls " down, hoping you will fall for his little con job.

His language skills have developed tremendously. He talks in complete sentences that you can understand. He uses the proper tense for the most part and when he hears a new word, he absorbs it like a sponge and uses correctly within the next two days. I am truly amazed at how much learning children do in their first two or three years of life.

I built him a small sandbox in the back and he plays for hours with his trucks and cars and "diggers". He loves to feel the sand dribble through his fingers and watch what happens if he puts it through a strainer. He will dig holes and then immediately cover them up ,only to re-dig them. The sandbox seems to be his favorite place in the yard.

He is also extremely helpful. We bought him a plastic garden shovel and he uses it to dig in his sandbox. He has also offered to help me "pooper-scoop". Of course we say no. But helpful as he is,he is there to point it out to us. Poop is YUCKY.

He helps his Grandma pick peas in the row we planted beside the garage. He is learning to not pick the whole plant. He also is learning how to shell peas . As fast as you can get the pea out, he eats it. Corn on the cob is the same. I have never seen a kid devour corn like he does.

In early August, Kristin , Mark and Owen were away for about two weeks. Such along time to not see him or them. When he arrived at our house the first time back, he ran up the walk and threw himself into my arms. He is usually not a cuddler, but that day, he just laid his head on my shoulder for about five minutes.

He is developing a very devilish sense of humour. When he was helping me water the garden, he decided he should also water Grandpa. He had me trapped behind the house. Each time I would start to go turn off the water he would give a little squirt as a warning. If I moved too much, he would let fly with a full blast. I ended up soaked to the skin with water in both ears. And he laughed and laughed.

His Uncle Jim and Uncle Craig and myself took him to the zoo two weeks ago. Just the guys and he had a great time. Never fussed or whined once. We were there for about five hours and he thoroughly enjoyed it.
He has learned to wear his hat on hot sunny days and loves to wear his sunglasses. He used to take them off all the time, but now he lives in them.

Last weekend he phoned me. Mrs. Moose had talked to Kristin around five o'clock. At about ten to six , our phone rang and it was Kristin. Owen had picked up the phone and when she asked who he was calling, his reply was - Grandpa!
Not even two yet and already calling me. We talked about his birthday party which was yesterday and how his Mom would make cake and he would get presents. I did most of the talking while he answered-yes.

He will be two on September 2ND and it has been the most amazing two years of my life.
\

Canadians eh !!!

2008-07-17T20:22:00.001-06:00

A Little Canadian Humor...

Forget Rednecks,

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from

September through May,

You may live in Canada .

If someone in a Home Depot store

Offers you assistance and they don't work there,

You may live in Canada .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You may live in Canada .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation

With someone who dialed a wrong number,

You may live in Canada .

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere

South of Detroit for the weekend,

You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,

You may live in Canada .

If you know several people

Who have hit a deer more than once,

You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'

In the same day and back again,

You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow

During a raging blizzard without flinching,

You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,

But leave both unlocked,

You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumpers in your car

And your wife knows how to use them,

You may live in Canada .

                   If you design your kid's Halloween costume

To fit over a snowsuit,

You may live in Canada .

                        If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km --

You're going 90 and everybody is passing you,

You may live in Canada .

                                If driving is better in the winter

Because the potholes are filled with snow,

You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:

Almost winter, winter, still winter,

And road construction,

You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles

On your snow blower than your car,

You may live in Canada .

If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly',

You may live in Canada .

If you actually understand these jokes,

And forward them to all

Your Canadian friends & others,

You definitely live in Canada .

Why Parents Drink- PRICELESS

2008-07-13T10:56:00.001-06:00

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

" Yes ," whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, " No ."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes ."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "me ."

Find it at www.seek.com.au Your Future Starts Here. Dream it? Then be it!

Get the name you always wanted with the new y7mail email address.

Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

Only an 8th grade education

2008-07-06T08:22:00.001-06:00

I RECEIVED THIS FROM AN OLD SCHOOLFRIEND IN MY HOMETOWN

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , KS , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam:
Salina, KS, 1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie', 'play', and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 65 minutes)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. Di strict No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus .
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States .
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour) (Do we even know what this is???)

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication.
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, sub vocal, diphthong, cognate letters, and lingual.
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi-, dis-, mis-, pre-, semi-, post-, non-, inter-, mono-, and sup-.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, r ise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)

1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco .
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of: Europe and give the capital of each. 8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it? This also shows you how poor our education system has become... and,

NO! I don't have all the answers.

------- End of Forwarded Message -------

--
Open WebMail Project (http://openwebmail.org)

I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER

2008-06-28T15:22:00.002-06:00

This will be my last post for awhile. My mom passed away this morning in Thunder Bay, Ont. She was born on April 1, 1921. her husband , Hugh passed away on December 10 of 2000. She was healthy right to the end and died peacefully. I will miss hr terribly as will our whole family. God speed mom.

Fwd: Fw: Home Depot Scam

2008-06-23T21:49:00.001-06:00

Home Depot scam... be careful . A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start
wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agreeand they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen on March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also April 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, and three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So........... tell your friends to be careful!

P.S.: Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each.

ways to maintain healty insanity

2008-06-13T10:03:00.001-06:00

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,Switch to E spresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called ....... therapy

Fwd: Fw: The Sneeze

2008-06-04T20:31:00.001-06:00

Subject: The Sneeze

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the
already crowded auditorium.
With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked
almost ... as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.
This class would NOT PRAY during the commencements----not by choice,
but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
The principal and several students were careful to stay within the
guidelines allowed by the ruling.
They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned
divine guidance and
no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they were routine......until the final speech
received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and
silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!

The student on stage...simply looked at the audience and said, 'GOD BLESS YOU,
each and every one of you!' And he walked off stage...

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a
unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's
approval.

Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends.........and GOD
BLESS YOU!!!
This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.

__________

Sheriff Joe is at it again

2008-06-01T19:20:00.002-06:00

Subject: Sheriff Joe is at it again

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.........

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.
The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail':
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but 'G' movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get
Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working
ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton.....If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'

He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued
Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached
138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.

'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.'

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,
But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

Sheriff Joe was just reelected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2008-05-28T09:18:00.001-06:00

>
>
> GRANDPA:
> In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARACK OBAMA:
> The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
>
> JOHN McCAIN:
> My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON:
> When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
>
> DR. PHIL:
> The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
>
> OPRAH:
> Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH:
> We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.
>
> COLIN POWELL:
> Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
>
> ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
> We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
>
> JOHN KERRY:
> Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN:
> To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART:
> No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
>
> DR SEUSS:
> Did the chicken cross the road?
> Did he cross it with a load?
> Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
> but why it crossed I've not been told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
> To die. In the rain. Alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL:
> Because the chicken was GAY! Can't you people see the plain truth?! That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS:
> In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE:
> It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON:
> Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES:
> I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cr a...#@&&^(C% .........reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN:
> Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
>
> BILL CLINTON:
> I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
>
> AL GORE:
> I invented the chicken!
>
> COLONEL SANDERS:
> Did I miss one?
>
> AL SHARPTON:
> Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens .

------- End of Forwarded Message -------

--
Open WebMail Project (http://openwebmail.org)

Fwd: Why God Made Mom's

2008-05-27T10:33:00.001-06:00

Why God made moms.... All answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions :

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy..
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who ' s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What ' s the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ' cause that ' s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend ' s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don ' t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I ' d GET rid of that.
2. I ' d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING -- SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!

BUSY< BUSY BUSY

2008-05-20T21:56:00.000-06:00

Things have been just crazy busy at work for the last couple of weeks. I have been so busy that by the time I get home, have supper and check my mail, I am ready for bed.
If there is a recession going on, it is certainly not here in Alberta.

I got to work at 10:30 this morning, pulled out some paper work i needed to get done and then didn't even get a chance to look at it until 2 this afternoon. It was just one customer after another- which is a good thing.

We were over at Mark and Kristin's for Mark's 31st birthday. Everyone had a great time, especially Owen. He finally decided that he would wear his hat and of his sunglasses. He kept them on for hours. We were all totally shocked. He thinks he is so cool.
He has been over to our house a couple of times. What with spring finally arriving, yard work has also kept us busy and he loves to be outside. I decided to let him help me water some new grass seed that I had thrown down. He really enjoyed playing with the water and hose. He also had new rubber boots which of course saved the day . His feet would have been soaking wet in regular shoes.

His mom and dad took him to the zoo this past weekend. Apparently he loved it, especially the train ride.
We want to take him just to see his reaction to the elephant when he sees it. When he sees pictures he calls it a big puppy. What will he think?
I apologize for being off for so long. I will try to catch up with everyone as soon as possible. Posts may slow down for a while. This is our busy time of year.

Fwd: Fw:

2008-05-09T17:17:00.001-06:00

This one is well worth the listen, even if you have seen it before.

Hello everyone,

The following is absolutely beautiful.

Turn on your speakers and listen to the whole thing.

This hits home with many of us.
Josh Groban sings... 'You raise me up'

Send to your children and your friends with or without children.

Please Click on below:

http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html

THE FIRST ICE CREAM BAR

2008-04-29T19:31:00.000-06:00

I think all these pictures pretty well speak for themselves.

He offered me a bite.

He was a little shocked when I took it.

Fwd: bubble wrap

2008-04-29T17:17:00.001-06:00

Ok – Here is a stress reliever for those who need it. I like the manic mode! (It has sound effects too!)

STRESS RELIEF...click on the word BUBBLEWRAP below - Way too cool !!!

Don't forget to go to Manic Mode....Then click fresh sheet
then run the mouse along the bubble wrap
THIS IS AWESOME! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU COULD DO IT ONLINE !!!

A great stress reliever for this time of year!!! COME ON, you know you
want to...

BUBBLEWRAP

Fw: Pet diaries

2008-04-23T15:14:00.002-06:00

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while
the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The
only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since
it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely
made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that
my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn
what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try
this again tomorrow**.but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -
and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate
with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell,
so he is safe. For now..........

Neat Quiz

2008-04-20T15:22:00.001-06:00

HOW OLD ARE YOU ? CAN YOU REMEMBER THIS FAR BACK ?

Have fun doing this one.

TEST FOR OLD KIDS

The answers are printed below, but please don't you cheat.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind? _______________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.

03. 'Get your kicks, ___________________.'

04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed___________________.'

05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.'

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____________.'

07. 'N_E_S_T_L_E_S', Nestle's makes the very best....... _______________.'

08. Satchmo was America's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

10 Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________'.

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW . What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.'This was a tribute to ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________. !

ANSWERS:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
0 2. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader,and 'Good Night,and may God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop

Heaven and Hell

2008-04-17T06:46:00.001-06:00

Subject: Heaven and Hell

A GREAT READ!

HR Heaven and Hell

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director

was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven

where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though,

it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once

had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really

sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to,"

replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is

let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose

whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven,"

said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in

an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she

found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf

course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her

were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and

they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up

and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They

played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club

where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the

Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a

great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time

that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand

and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went

up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter

waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next

24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She

had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St.

Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent

a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said. The woman

paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say

this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a

better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and

again she went down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a

desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends

were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in

sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and

there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we

danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland of garbage

and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you,

today you're staff..."

Fwd: Fw: Saskatchewan

2008-04-16T06:40:00.001-06:00

THIS IS FOR ALL OF US THAT WERE BORN AND RAISED IN SASK! (and those that wish they had been)

    Saskatchewan
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on the
seventh day. He inquired of God, 'Where have You been?'

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds, 'Look Michael, look what I've made!'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, and I've put life on it.
I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a place of great balance.

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, 'For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a
hotspot.
And over there I've placed a continent of white people, while over
here is a continent of black people,' God continued, pointing to
different countries. 'This one will be extremely hot and arid
while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large
land mass and said, 'What's that one?'
'Ah,' said God. 'That's Saskatchewan, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, skies, sunsets and rolling hills. The
people from Saskatchewan are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous,
and they are going to be found traveling the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving,
and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of
peace.'
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
'What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!'
God replied wisely, 'Wait until you see the dingbats I'm putting
around them in Alberta, Manitoba & the U.S.
Only someone who has grown up inSaskatchewan will send this on.

Retirement

2008-04-14T18:52:00.001-06:00

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day Betsy and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Betsy called him a sh#thead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age.

Fwd: FW: A Good reminder of what matters

2008-04-08T15:00:00.001-06:00

Good reminder of what matters .

RED MARBLES

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.

Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?'

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'

'Good. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'

'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'

'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked.

'Not zackley but almost.'

'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho .'

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...An unexpected phone call from an old friend...Green stoplights on your way to work...The fastest line at the grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found right where you left them.
 

OUTSIDE !!

2008-04-06T17:23:00.000-06:00

These pictures were taken last Thursday. I was going to babysit Owen in the afternoon while his mom did a substitute teaching assignment. I arrived at their house at about 11:30 in the morning. Kristin was still getting ready, so I said I would get Owen dressed. He only had on a diaper and his pyjama top. I took him to his bedroom and said it was time to get dressed. He said no! I said yes! I pulled the top over his head and removed his diaper. As I was disposing of it, the little monkey crawled under his crib and wouldn't come out. He lay there on his back laughing at me. When I would reach under to pull him out he would squeeze himself up against the wall so I couldn't reach him. I finally had to resort to bribery. I told him we couldn't go outside if he didn't get dressed. He came out as fast as he could and said"OUTSIDE".

We went out to the backyard and he just ran and played with his dog "Andy". He loves to chase him, all the time laughing his head off. He also makes me run with him. When Kristin came to the door to say she was leaving, all he had to say was"Bye, Bye". Didn't bother him a bit. Back to playing he went. I tried to get some pictures when he wasn't dragging me with him.

Most of the snow is gone and he can run around on the grass. The little bit of snow that is
left is crunchy on the top and hard enough still for him to walk on. When he does hit a soft spot, he sinks down to his knees and giggles. He seems to think is is great fun. Of course, his shoes get soaking wet.

After about ten minutes we went for a walk in the neighbourhood. We usually don't end up going far, but it takes us about an hour. He stops and examines every little thing that catches his eye. And of course, he has to be chased in a game of tag. It was so windy that he even let me put up his hood on his hoodie. Usually he hates anything on his head. He also wants to know the name of everything." What's that? What's that" he is certainly curious about this great big wonderful world. And that is a good thing.

When we got back to the house we had lunch and he played with his toys before his nap.

I am trying out my new camera and trying to see ow the pictures look if I add some light. I think in the bottom one, I have too much because his hair is not that red. It does have a red tinge to it but not this much.

All in all, a great time was had by both of us.

Age

2008-04-03T20:26:00.001-06:00

Subject: Age

Today's witty remark is thanks to Mrs. Moose !

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens

BUSY, SPRING AND ICE CREAM

2008-03-28T15:17:00.001-06:00

As you can tell by the title and the pictures it has been a busy time around here. What with Easter and the good weather on it's way(?) things at work have been very very busy. People once again are thinking of outdoor projects such as garages, decks and fences. So into our store they come. We also have a number of new staff and they are learning the ropes. In the meantime, those of us with experience are kept on our toes.

Of course, the best part of spring is the warming weather. It means no more heavy winter coats but rather lighter spring jackets. This has also freed Owen up to move more easily. He still likes to walk in the snow but would much rather play in the water and look under trees to find the pine cones that have fallen. There is not enough ice and snow on the sidewalks for him to scrape so I have been showing him how to move the water in the gutter.

We have also been making our own ice cream. Does he like ice cream?. The best way to answer that is to ask if the Pope is Catholic. Of course, he loves ice cream and knows exactly where it is kept in the freezer.

This particular day we had none. So I got the ice cream maker out and we made a batch in about forty minutes.

I always remember eating the icing off the beaters when my mom made a cake so I let Owen eat the ice cream of the paddle. It was like a duck taking to water. I think the more experiences he gets, the better.

I really believe that the more time you spend with kids when they are young , the better off they will turn out.

Holy Prostitutes

2008-03-28T06:50:00.002-06:00

Thank goodness the Lord gave us a sense of humour so that we may laugh at ourselves- Alphonsedamoose

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out
of the corner of his eye.... It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second
thought....
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far
side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small
Sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
long black habit, who asks,

'What may we do for you my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly
doing business...

'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages
and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed
Door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
door... Th is nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then
go through the large wooden door at the end o f the hallway.'

He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
door pulling it shut behind him.

The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another
sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

the man song

2008-03-19T21:45:00.001-06:00

It was good for a laugh

TEACH THEM YOUNG

2008-03-16T14:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday , we had Owen for about 3 1/2 hours. His big obsession right now is to go outside. As soon as he arrived, and before his mom left, he had asked for his boots and jacket. We were outside and down the street before she even got out of our house.

We drummed on the electrical boxes , made snowballs, and watched a flock of Cedar Waxwings strip a Mountain Ash of berries in about one minute. There must have been at least two hundred birds in the flock . You could actually hear the hum of their beating wings as they took off and landed.

When we got back to the house about 30 minutes later, it was time for lunch and hot chocolate. There is nothing better than hot chocolate on a winter day.

After lunch, the first thing Owen did was get his boots and come over saying"outside". He loves being outside. This is a good thing. It certainly is better than sitting in front of a television all day like some kids do.
While we were out, he saw the scraper that we use to clear the walks on icy days. He has obviously seen his parents use one, because he immediately what it was for. Mrs. Moose showed him where to scrape and away he went. We were practically peeing ourselves laughing. The thing that really surprised us was that he would pick snow up with the scraper like a shovel. He would then try to dump it onto the pile beside the walk

For such a little guy he did an excellent job. As you can see from the pictures, he was quite proud of himself. Now if we could only keep his mitts on.

I've been thinking that if we get enough snow next year, I'll teach him how to make an IGLOO. Won't that be cool !

SPRING FEVER

2008-03-11T18:09:00.001-06:00

We had the Grand-moose , Owen, over last evening for about three hours. It is beautiful weather here right now. Spring-like temperatures and melting snow. And of course spring fever has come along with the warmth.

After supper last night , it was still nice outside so Owen and I decided to go for a walk. As you can see from the pictures he has a light spring coat on (vest underneath) . The temperature was about 10C (50F). You can also see the run-off in the gutter on the road. It was very difficult keeping him out of the water. What is it that attracts young boys to running water to get wet? He was only wearing jeans so I wanted him to stay dry.

Like all young, he was raring to go. We started at our walk and he ran as fast as he could down the sidewalk. I was amazed at how far he went before tiring. In the picture you can just see the second power pole (right side of picture). He ran all the way to that area. It is a good 200 yards from our walk. And was he tired? Nope! He ran most of the way back. He only stopped when a pine cone on the ground caught his eye. Of course, he had to pick it up and then he found another. This one also became part of his collection.

He didn't keep them for long and soon we were running back toward Mrs. Moose.That is the reason the second picture is a little blurred. He was going full steam
and I think I was holding him back. I was trying to get out of the picture.

When we arrived back at the house, he decided to climb the snowbank. Even though it is no particularly high, it is steep. And he had no mitts on. So he grabbed my hand for balance and up he went like a sheep up a mountain. And when he got to the top" TA DA!! I did it."

He would then proceed to slide down the bank onto the sidewalk, bringing lots of snow with him. Over and over again he did this. We were having a terrific time. He would try to slide down without holding my hand and the last picture shows the result. He got stuck!

If I was going to put a caption to this, it would be:" Help, Save me Grandpa"
Feel free to add your own captions. The more the merrier. Sorry there will be no prize.

Underwear cop --hilarious

2008-03-09T11:15:00.000-06:00

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH EVERYONE

EXHAUSTED BY AN 18 MONTH OLD

2008-03-02T15:10:00.001-07:00

Owen's dad is away this weekend racing in Phoenix,AZ. It has afforded Mrs. Moose and myself the opportunity to spend even more time with Owen.
Thursday night he came over to our house for about 4 hours. He gets very excited when he comes here and all the way up the walk he was yelling "Grampa !" When he gets in the house now , he immediately wants his coat and boots taken off. He then turns to his mom and says: " BYE BYE". We barely get a chance to say hello to her and he is trying to close the door. Talk about not being worried that she is leaving. We think it is terrific that he is so secure in coming here that he doesn't worry about his mom leaving. Probably because he gets so spoiled.
He has also begun to pick up more and more words that he says clearly enough to understand. He certainly can say downstairs, outside, birdies, barking, cookie, duckies, milk, more. Mark and Kristin have also been working on his manners and he has learned to say "yes, please" when you ask him if he would like a cookie or cracker or other food. You can't start teaching manners too young

Of course the whole time he is here , he is on the go. He loves to go down and see the fish and out to the garage just to look around at the tools and play with some of them. I make sure they are all unplugged before he can touch them.
He also loves to be chased and will"sneak up" on you with a little gleam in his eye that
means chase me. He then runs to the other person as fast as he can and literally climbs them like a monkey up a tree. That is another new word-monkey.

Friday night, Kristin was going out with some friends so Mrs. Moose and I went over to their house. We brought Chinese food with us and Owen just dug into all of it. There are very few foods that he doesn't like.
Later we went in the hot tub. As I was getting him ready , I had to change him into a pool diaper up in his bedroom. He wasn't sure if he as going to bed or not. As soon as he saw his bathing suit, he said "outside".
He waited in the bathroom door as I got changed and then ran to the back door. It was about -8 outside , which is a great temperature to go hot-tubbing. The water was very warm so he lowered himself in very slowly. He loves to play with the controls and make the bubbles go full force. After we had gone back inside we played for about half an hour and into bed he went. We were wiped.

Saturday morning we weren't really expecting him.Kristin arrived at the door with him on her way into town to see her sister. He apparently insisted on coming here. All the way for five miles he had been in his car seat saying, "Grampa, grampa". We love having him so he stayed with us for about five hours. We had him outside and he continued to hone his skills in snowball making and throwing. He also walked in the melt water in the gutter on the street. At one point he slipped on some ice and down he went. His jeans were soaked and dirty.
Back home to our house to get changed. Yes we keep extra clothes for him here.
Last night we were back at Kristin's to celebrate our Craig's 25Th birthday(Feb 27) and to watch the UFC Pay per View. We took pizza over for supper and as soon as he saw the boxes the words came out-"pizza please"
With the whole family there he had a terrific audience and took full advantage of it. He showed everyone how he can use a balloon as a Pilates balls and he can balance on it. We are amazed that the balloon hasn't broken. It has been blown up since November and has lost very little air.

Today is a recuperation day. I just can't keep up.

Fwd: Wedding anniversary

2008-02-29T14:21:00.001-07:00

The author of this blogs denies having participated or agreeing to any of the statements in the following:

John was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds."

The next morning John got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

John has been missing since Friday.

Life is too short for petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly!

You might be a Canadian if ...

2008-02-24T19:47:00.001-07:00

25 Signs That You Might Be a Canadian

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

5. You know that a Mickey and 24's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"

6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

12. You brag to Americans that; Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & Mike Myers are Canadians.

13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

14. You know what a toque is.

15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".

22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

23. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

24. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"

25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!

(Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them!)

Fwd: [Fwd: [Fwd: Fw: The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart]]

2008-02-23T19:28:00.001-07:00

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes.
Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mount St.Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the beer keg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "Cold, eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

THE BEST PRESENT I EVER RECEIVED

2008-02-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

This past February 14th, was my 61st. birthday. Rather than do anything on Valentine's Day, it was decided that the whole family would go out for dinner last night: Wife, daughters, sons, husbands, girlfriends and of course Grandson Owen.
I was given the best gift anybody could ever recieve from their family. I was given an empty jar and 1000 marbles. It is the best gift I have ever received. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to Mrs. Moose,Erin, Kristin,Mark, Owen, Jim, Amy and Craig. I love you all.

To fully appreciate the significance of this gift, you must go back and read my Jan 21/08 post entitled 3900. I think you will then understand.

COMFORTABLE

2008-02-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

The first and second picture were taken from inside the house by Mrs. Moose. Owen was outside the house with me. This was after one of our walks. Usually, when Owen is here this is the window he likes to look out of, at the birds and when his parents come to pick him up. He has looked in from the outside before but we have never taken his picture doing this.

As you can seee the screen softens his features and blurs them just a tiny bit. As I held him up to the screen his grandmother would talk to him and take the pictures. The first picture he was not quite sure what to look at but the second picture he knew exactly. I love the rosy cheeks and red nose. It epitomizes, for me, a healthy little boy loving the outdoors in winter.
The last two pictures were taken earlier this week, when he was over one evening. His dad was picking him up and the roads were slippery. Owen was starting to get a bit tired, so he just lay down on top of me in a chair. Then the little devil in him came out. He loves to put up his foot up (even at the dinner table) and have someone grab it and say" you get that foot down". Of course , it immediateley comes back up with a laugh and a twinkle in the eye. DO it again!

As we pull his foot down he laughs and laughs.

I think the final piture says it all......... I'm exhausted grandpa. Don't worry about it little one......... so is Grandpa.

Fwd: Fw: An Australian Definition of a Canadian

2008-02-14T06:39:00.001-07:00

I thought this was worth reading.

Have a nice day!

Sometimes we just have to hear this......

An Australian Definition of a Canadian
In case anyone asks you who a Canadian is . . .

** **Proud to be Canadian

An Australian Definition of a Canadian -
Written by an Australian Dentist

You probably missed it in the local news, but there was a report that someone in Pakistan had advertised in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed a Canadian - any Canadian.

An Australian dentist wrote the following editorial to help define what a Canadian is, so they would know one when they found one.

A Canadian can be English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. A Canadian can be Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, Arab, Pakistani or Afghan.

A Canadian may also be a Cree, Métis, Mohawk, Blackfoot, Sioux, or one of the many other tribes known as native Canadians. A Canadian's religious beliefs range from Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or none. In fact, there are more Muslims in Canada than in Afghanistan. The key difference is that in Canada they are free to worship as each of them chooses. Whether they have a religion or no religion, each Canadian ultimately answers only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

A Canadian lives in one of the most prosperous lands in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms which recognize the right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

A Canadian is generous and Canadians have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return. Canadians welcome the best of everything, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services and the best minds. But they also welcome the least - the oppressed, the outcast and the rejected.

These are the people who built Canada. You can try to kill a Canadian if you must as other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world have tried but in doing so you could just be killing a relative, or a neighbour. This is because Canadians are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, can be a Canadian.

Please keep this going! Pass this around the World. Then pass it around again.

It says it all, for all of us

'Keep your stick on the ice'

A WINTER WALK

2008-02-09T18:12:00.000-07:00

These pictures were taken last Saturday when Owen was over for a few hours. It was a beautiful day out(about -10 Celsius) so we decided to go for a short walk.

As you can see we have a little bit of snow on the ground.Nothing horrendous or too terribly deep. Just enough to make it interesting for such a little guy.

The plows had been by the day before and there were chunks of snow-ice on the sidewalks. On one of our previous walks Owen had found out how much fun it was to smah snow chunks with your boots. He decided he could take on this piece. However, because it was snow and ice combined, it would not break. He would stomp as hard as he could and the piece would skid out from under his foot. After trying about twenty times he finally gave up on this piece and went on to a smaller chunk. No problem at all. He had that little piece broken into three smaller lumps on the first try. Then he picked up one of the pieces or at least tried to do so. His mitts are still big on him and he can't get his thumb in the thumb hole, so he has to use his whole hand to pick up the piece.This is difficult becaue he can really only use the palm of his hand.

After a number of attempts he was able to do it. The snow was so frosty at this point that the lump just stuck to his hand. This confused him a bit and he tried to shake it off. He looked like one of those comedians who has paper stuck to his hand and can't get rid of it. He would shake his hand and look at it, only to find the piece of snow still there. He finally grabbed it with both hands and carried it around like it was something precious, that he did not want to lose.

This was the first time he really attempted to walk in snow. I would go to the edge of the sidewalk and push my foot into the snow and then he would try to do the same. It was hard for him because he would sink in and get stuck. I would then have to pull him out. He was trying to put his foot as far off the edge as he could. Hence the split stance.

He soon realized that if he held my hand he could balance a lot easier. Then he was off. He tromped off into the snow and I had to follow. He walked all around our front yard and enjoyed himself immensely.

The hat he has on, is one of the few that he will wear. For some reason, he just loves this hat. Maybe because it covers his ears. He also has a shirt, a sweatshirt and his winter coat on. He wears longjohns under his jeans and over his diaper so he is very warm. I just don't know how he can move.

I do know he sleeps well after one of these excursions and so does Grandpa.

Fwd: Fw: The shower

2008-02-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat .

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on he ad.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let t he water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat .

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, ' woo woo'!!!

WINTER

2008-01-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

Winter has finally arrived here in Alberta. Although we have had snow for about two months the temperatures have been relatively mild. For these old bones this is a good thing.

Yesterday was the last reasonable day for a while.

Today, as I write this, the house across the street is blurred by the snow that is falling. Not a lot, just enough to make the houses look out of focus. The temperature is -24c(-9F) and heading to -29 tonight, which will also be the high for Monday. Tuesday, we are looking at a high 0f -27C and a low Tuesday night of -33C. Wednesday-high of -28 and low Wednesday night of -34C. With the wind out there right now the wind-chill is -36C. Wind-chill is what the temperature feels like on bare skin.

We will go out later and plug in our block heaters on the cars so they will start in the morning. At these temperatures, if you don't, your oil gets very thick and your car is extremely difficult to start.

I also add a bottle of gas line anti-freeze to the gas tank. This keeps the condensation down don't so you don't get water in your gas.

As I look out the front window, there is a Downy Woodpecker at our bird feeder. He looks twice his normal size as he has all his feathers puffed up to keep him warm.

Hope this doesn't last more than a week or so. Stay warm everybody

ADDENDUM: Monday Morning, 9:00 AM. , The temperature is-30c (-18F) with a wind chill of-46C (-49F). Tonight they are calling for temperatures to be -39C. I will keep you posted.

Fwd: Fw: The Haircut

2008-01-26T08:29:00.001-07:00

The Haircut

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill, and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased, and left the shop. When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning, there is a 'thank you' card, and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card, and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card, & a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' & 'Becoming More Successful.

Then,a Politician comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the Fundamental difference between the Citizens of our country and the members of our Government

Fwd: Fw: Jeff Foxworthy - Canadian Humor

2008-01-24T16:44:00.001-07:00

          
                   A Little Canadian Humor   

    Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy
has to
say about Canucks

 

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed
from September
through May,  you may live in Canada.

 

    If someone in a Home Depot store offers
you assistance
and they  don't work there, you may live in Canada.

 

     If you've worn shorts and a parka at the
same time,
you may live in Canada

 

    If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
with
someone who dialed a wrong number, you may
live in Canada

 

    If 'Vacation'
means going anywhere south of Muncie for
the weekend, you may live in Canada.

 

    If you measure distance in hours, you may
live in Canada

 

    If you know several people who have hit a
deer more
than once, you may live in Canada

 

    If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C'
in the same
day and back again, you may live in Canada

 

    If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet
of snow
during a raging  blizzard without flinching,
you may live in Canada

  

    If you install security lights on your
house and
garage, but leave both unlocked,
 you may live in Canada

 

    If you carry jumpers in your car and
your wife knows how to use them,
 you may live in Canada

 

    If you design your kid's Halloween costume
 to fit over a snowsuit,
you may live in Canada

 

    If the speed limit on the highway is 80km
-- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you,
 you may live in Canada

 

    If driving is better in the winter
 because  the potholes are filled with snow,
 you may live
in Canada

  

    If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter,
winter,
still winter and road construction,
 you may live in Canada

 

    If you have more miles on your snow
 blower than your
car, you may live in Canada.

 

    If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly',
you may live
in Canada

 

    If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward
them to all your Canadian friends & others,
you definitely live in
Canada

Fwd: Aging Baby Boomers!

2008-01-23T17:42:00.001-07:00

I just had to pass this along. I hope you all enjoy and get a good laugh.

http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/opinion/walthandelsman/blog/2007/11/animation_baby_boomers.html

3900

2008-01-21T17:42:00.001-07:00

This is an awesome read...

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's "dance recital" he continued ;"Let me tell yo u something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

"Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.

It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear."

"Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.

There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight."

"Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time."

"It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some ma rbles.

A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.

And so, as one smart bear once said..."If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh.

Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you.

And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS.

And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have at least one good friend...

And that would be ME.

HE'S NOT A BABY ANYMORE

2008-01-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

And we're back with an Owen update. It has been a great time in the life of our little guy. He is starting to talk more and more with words you can understand. He can now say purple, more, yes,please, thank you, milk and of course- NO. He has been testing out his ability to use this particular word. When we ask him if he would like to do something, he shakes his head and says no. If we ask him if he would like somethiing such as milk or water , he will say no. And he understands exactly what it means, for if we try to force him he gets mad. This is another thing he has been trying out. He tries to get a reaction from us by throwing temper tantrums. Not long ones, but just long enough to see what our reaction is. When he doesn't get what he wants, he is okay with that. And we are okay with him trying because it shows he is really thinking for himself. He has also just started to nod his head yes.

He is also starting to try to make sentences. When he does something, he will say" I did it." Or if we are playing hide and seek he will say"Where's he?"So he is getting the idea of stringing words together to make himself understood.

The first picture was taken around Christmas time. He was playing on the couch with my mother and myself and just having a great time. He was also trying to escape my grasp.
The second picture was taken about a week ago and we were out for a walk. He heard the birds in our birch tree and was searching for them as they hopped from branch to branch. Because they are so small and fast he had a little trouble finding them at first. But he soon picked up on their movement so he would know where to look. He found them fascinating and just stood watching for about five minutes

The last picture was taken just after his grandmother had forced his grandfather to feed him Jello. This was the first time that we know of that he has ever had it. It was hilarious to watch. His first mouthful was a sort of " do I like this ?" moment. In about 2 seconds the answer was a resounding YES and he could not get it into his mouth fast enough. Not only was a spoon used, but also his hands. He wasn't quite sure what to do about the pieces that missed his mouth. When he would try to pick them off they would just squish out between his fingers.He would have a very puzzled look on his face.

He also showed us his independence one night. His mom had dropped him off while she went to a yoga class. He was having a great time with us and when she arrived to take him home. He was not very happyat this prospect and left our house kicking his feet while his mom carried him to the truck. As she was putting her purse into the truck , she put him on the sidewalk and the next thing we knew he was banging on our door. When Mrs. Moose opened the door he stood there with a big smile on his face and said HIYA!! As the door opened he was back in the house in the blink of an eye.Quite proud of himself too.

We are in for some great times ahead.

Wisdom

2008-01-15T21:33:00.001-07:00

The Wisdom Of Our Time . . .

<>It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the

blame .

<> You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

<>
We have enough youth.

How about a fountain of 'smart'?

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

<> A fool and his money
can throw one hell of a party.

<> when blondes have more fun
do they know it?

<> Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.

<> LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

<>

<>

money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

<> Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

<> If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.

<> Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

<> Time's fun when you're having flies.

......Kermit the Frog

<> We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

<>Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

<> Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

<> One good thing about Alzheimer's is
you get to meet new people every day.

Friends don't let friends
take ugly people home.

<> > Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto:

At least we're not Mississippi

<> Gaseous clouds
have been detected
around Uranus.

<> ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

<>

GUN CONTROL:
using both hands

The more I learn about terrorism,
the more I understand the phone company.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant'
is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist '.

Fwd: Tree Hugger

2008-01-15T16:56:00.001-07:00

A woman from Vancouver, who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter, purchased acres of timberland, near Lake Cowichan, Vancouver Island. There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl . It attacked her! In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground. The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood: in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor, 35 minutes away, in Duncan. She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help. The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and said , "Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada, the BC Forest Service and Worksafe BC before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. And, I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

!! OH CANADA !!

A BUSY TIME

2008-01-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Actually I haven't been away anywhere. It has just been very hectic around our house since Christmas.

We had a small snow storm which left the trees looking beautiful with a fresh coating of white on the branches. The first picture is the birch tree in our front yard. It had been snowing lightly for about 2 days at this point. The nice thing about snow here in Alberta is that it is dry. It is not a wet heavy snow like back east but rather a light fluffy snow that is easy to move

While I was looking out the window one day I could here the Blue Jays making all kinds of racket and flying around like crazy. Out the door I went, and there in the Spruce right at the top was this bird. The jays were harassing it , trying to drive it away. I tried to get a good close-up picture before it flew away. I also looked it up, in our bird book. I think it is a bird called a Merlin. They belong to the falcon family and usually hunt Waxwings

During the holidays my mother(86 years young) came out for a visit. Unfortunately, I had to work most days and did not get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked. Fortunately she is a voracious reader and was able to keep herself amused.

Owen also came over a number of times and once he realized she was part of the family warmed up to her very quickly. I wanted to make sure I got a picture of them both together. Almost 85 years difference in age ....incredible !!

The night these pictures were taken, he was in a silly mood. He wanted to be chased and chased. Then he would run to my mother, laughing his head off, for protection.

I also wanted to get a picture of the three of us. By this time he really didn't want to co-operate so we had to find ways to distract him while Mrs. Moose took the pictures. If you look closely , you will also notice that I have more grey hair than my mother. She keeps very fit and as active as possible.

These are just the highlight s of what our last month has been like. I will write more later

haha

2008-01-12T19:40:00.001-07:00

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS DAY

2007-12-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, the first time we tried to put Owen to bed, he was not a happy camper. In the first picture he has been informed that it is nightie-night time. The reaction was priceless. When we saw the picture, the first caption we thought of was"That sentence is too long. I'll be good" He went to bed anyway and screamed for about 40 minutes. I guess he was just too hyped up to sleep. We did allow him back down to the party.

When we were in the basement getting gifts, Erin was given very nice pillows. Mark said that Owen had done the wrapping job. Not too bad for 15 months.Mark apparently held the paper in place and Owen went around and around the package with the scotch tape. He has so much on the wrap that Erin had trouble getting the gift opened. It was a great laugh watching her try to get the pillows out.

Once she had it open, Owen thought it would be great fun to lie on the pillows. But because there is a plastic wrap over them he kept sliding off onto the floor. Great!! New game!! He spent the next 15 minutes minutes getting on the pillows and then sliding off,
usually head first. We were in hysterics watching him. It was like he was on a mechanical bull.

Christmas day, while Mark, Kristin and Owen were at Mark's parents, we went into Erin's for dinner, She had a really nice turkey with all the trimmings. She too was just getting over the flu but did a great job of hosting anyway.

Erin is also left-handed. Because of this she has always had a tough time carving meat, or writing, or peeling potatoes, This is a world made for right handed people. She has found the solution. There is a place in England that caters to "lefties". She has been able to buy a left-handed pen, a left handed potato peeler, a left-handed carving knife and even a left handed clock. When she told us about the clock we thought "oh sure". But as you can see in the pictures it really is a left handed clock. All the hands move counter clockwise. Pay special attention to the numbers. See!

Even the writing is for left handed people. Figure out what it says.

Great time was had by all.

As of yesterday, Erin, Mrs. Moose, Moose's mother, son Craig, Mark-all had a recurrence of the flu.Guess who the nurse is ? Now I just need the uniform.

Happy New Year everyone.

CHRISTMAS EVE

2007-12-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

This year we spent Christmas Eve and opened gifts at Kristin, Mark and Owen's house. Usually we do this at our house on Christmas Day but they were going to Mark's parent's place for Christmas dinner so we did ours early.

We arrived about 4;30 in the afternoon and just sat enjoying the good family atmosphere. Owen was excited to see everybody even though he was suffering from the flu. He had it on Friday, Kristin had it Saturday, Mark on Sunday and Owen again Monday. He had started to perk up by Monday evening and was in great form to entertain us.

In the top picture, the little pink hippo on the table plays music and he dances to it. He really gets his hips and arms moving. He looks like he is doing a disco dance. Of course the laughing and clapping just encourage him to do more.

His Auntie Erin bought him a tool kit for Christmas. He got excited as soon as he saw it, but got very VERY excited when he saw there was a drill in the kit. It makes sound like a real one, has a reverse and will actually screw in

the plastic screws that hold the gears down. Everywhere he went, he carried this drill with him. I think he got excited because when he comes to our house, he wants to go out in the garage and makes me run the drill for him. It must be the sound he likes. Now he has his very own.

The picture with the striped pyjamas had to be taken. When Erin was in SanFrancisco this past summer, she visited Alcatraz and one of the gifts she bought was an Alcatraz pair of pyjamas for Owen. Up until now, they were always too big for him so this was our first opportunity to see him in them. He thought he was escaping but really he was on his way to bed. When he realized what was going on he was not happy at all. He wanted to party and he knew we were all in the basement. After about 40 minutes of not going to sleep and not calming down, we let him come back downstairs. What the heck. It's Christmas.

In the bottom picture, you can see the sheepish look of " Well, can I come back". When he knew it was okay he started to entertain once again. When we left he was still up but getting extremely tired. I think he probably went back to bed no problem and more than likely was asleep in minutes.

End of Part One

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

2007-12-24T15:37:00.001-07:00

a cute one to share for those who have little ones in their lives.....

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
______________________________________________________
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and disc ard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
___________________________________________________ ___
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_______________________________________________________
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
_____________________________________________ _________
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
______________________________________________________

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . . or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children . . (The older the mother, the funnier this is!)

GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live.

an eCard from BlueMountain.com

2007-12-20T17:29:00.001-07:00

To view your eCard, choose from the options below.

Click on the following link:
http://www.bluemountain.com/view.pd?i=179881087&m=6434&rr=y&source=bma999

Fwd: I got elfed

2007-12-16T18:55:00.001-07:00

I have always maintained that if you cannot laugh at yourself you should not make fun of other people. Practical jokes (as long as no one is hurt ) can be great fun. I have written before about my competitive friend (Brian) from work. He has a great sense of humour also. Now that I am back to work he seems to think that I am fair game for his wacky sense of humour. A I wrote back to him after receiving this: "THIS MEANS WAR".
I hope all my blog friends enjoy this little vignette as much as I did.
And a message to Brian--- watch out, I'll pay you back!
As for comments, be kind

>
> Hey, He just made a total elf of me. Check it out by clicking the
> link below.
>
> http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1301978217
>
>
>
>

Fwd: Fw: Talented Cell Phone Salesman

2007-12-16T14:04:00.001-07:00

amazing!! You would not believe.

Talented Cell Phone Salesman
Take a minute and watch this....makes your heart feel good! Watch the faces of the judges as this guy walks out on the stage. You can almost see what they are thinking as they pre-judge this guy based on his looks and the fact that he is a cell phone salesman.
So much for First impressions!

(Click on the link below for video!)

For http://www.maniacworld.com/Phone-Salesman-Amazes-Crowd.html